In a stunning development today, Native American legend Pocahontas rose from the dead in zombie form to file a lawsuit against President Donald Trump for defamation of character. “He has consistently compared Sen. Elizabeth Warren to me and I find that very hurtful and cruel. ‘Warren Face’ or ‘Ages With Warren’ is now a common taunt I must face among the dimmer circles. Mean little boys don cheap granny glasses and poke their fingers in the air to taunt the skinny girls, saying things like ‘I’m Warren Face Sacajawea’ or something. I’m not even blonde, none of us are! No one likes to be compared to that yammering spinster and fraud.” […]
The Washington Post bravely risks it all to reveal that by 2016, Donald Trump used his access to Gen. Michael Flynn to quietly direct DARPA, then in secret works with CERN in Switzerland, to commission the first time machine ever constructed. Billions had been spent on Project Icarus Rex by DARPA alone. A handful of Swiss and American scientists had initially planned to intervene in a past timeline to prevent World War Three, prevent the African famines, etc. As for President Trump, his first stop was World War Two, but he wasn’t there to stop Hitler. Trump was there to “talk shit about Anne Frank and challenge her to an epic rap battle.” […]
The Secret Service has just released a troubling series of long rambling texts to the President by Morning Joe Scarborough, the beta male in the morning show with Mika Beserkski. […]
You may find the original article here. […]
“I know, I helped create ISIS to topple Assad and bring down Iran. I’m tired of people saying I am senile, it is not fair. Do I sound ill to you? Not even my doctor questions my ability to eat my bicycles. You are all a bunch of shoe boxes, you make me want to silverware. Fuckers.” […]
Warhawk, songbird and Lindsey Graham life partner John McCain declared this morning that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a Russian sympathizer and possibly a spy, citing a trusted source he obtained from gay dating app Grindr. […]
Mika Brzezinski, it’s no use crying, you are hereby banned from blowing me. Don’t even ask, don’t even bother scouring the net for deals on knee pads. Truth welcomes debate, it doesn’t fear it. If your talking points are based on something you know to be false, of course you will look for reasons to avoid guests who call you on it. Bill Maher is right about this refusal to actually engage in debate signals surrender, and he surrenders often on everything that really matters so he’d know, and it is why Democrats keep losing. […]
In this article, we will conclusively demonstrate that any group of psychiatrists or psychologists that can diagnose a famous figure without a personal consultation and assessment is not just unethical, but risking their careers. The hammer is about to fall as the public comes to understand how perception is managed by our intelligence agencies, networks and social media on which they base their conclusions. […]
“At over 300 lbs. the mortality rate in his age group is very high. Such individuals are at a high risk of heart disease and cardiac arrest. With a body mass index well over 45, there is a co-morbidity factor that must be seriously considered. He could use a few sit ups, and lay off the hot dogs and cheese pizza.” […]
Verily, it dost seem special snowflakes hath been triggered by mine awesome legacy and shadow. Even I tremble, and I am he. Behold this article at the National Review:
“U Penn Removes Shakespeare Portrait Because He Does Not Represent ‘Diversity’” And I, The Bard was replaced with a portrait of a black lesbian poet few doth know about, and verily I wandered far and wide to find someone who heard of her. Who is this woman? Thou mayest often find the answer at the local eatery near U Penn. Whenst the middle-aged cashier asketh unto thee “Do you want fries with that?” inquire of the timeless mystery that is Audre Lourde. […]
Not Just the Lady Friends Anymore!
Ready to strap on her new Hilldo™ and tear a new asshole into American dreams of a credible challenge to establishment corruption; Hillary arrives in town to answer, doggy style, any impudent calls for a meritocracy. With palpable excitement, she cheers the arrival of her latest strap on model, The Hilldo™ , after weeks of delay. Other upcoming variations include the larger Amy Poler and the Humadork 69. (Incidentally, dork is an informal reference for a whale penis.) Above, Hillary tests the self-lubricating Hilldo™ Bushlover 666, which features vibrating forklift action and jackhammer engineering. […]
And now, for the ultimate sports enthusiast, a look at one of the most remarkable cat boxing matches in world history. […]
What's the difference between a rebel and a 'moderate' rebel? a rebel is what you saw in the US Civil War, an actual soldier, but a 'moderate' rebel is a terrorist that beheads Christians and Muslims alike and not too long ago, was the enemy in Afghanistan and Iraq .
This will be a key subject of discussion as ISIS, The American Coalition of Rapists, the American Society for the Appreciation of Chainsaw Massacres, The American Child Molesters League, and FOX and Friends are scheduled to meet soon to celebrate their mainstream media acceptance via neo-con political spin. According to the event organizer, "we remain true to ourselves, and after celebrating the blatantly dismissive attitudes of our very nature by Washington officials, we intend to rape, behead, and dismember every apologist reporter on the scene." […]