Shark vaginas have the most pubic hair of any sea creature. Source: CNN Lampreys have developed a symbiotic relationship, and groom their hosts with pube braids. Source: NBC I'M WITH HER: Joy Behar plays follow the leader. A botched circumcision left George Soros with a ball sack for eyes. Embittered ever after, this created the greatest super villain ever known, Globalist Man. Source: CNN Scroll Down Joe the Plumber Predicted by The Onion in '93? March 24, 2013 May 29, 1993: The Onion's story about Roy the Forklift driver becoming a media darling of the conservative movement becomes, apparently, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or has talk radio dumbed us down so much what once... KEEP READING Actual Elephant Art vs. Jackson Pollack March 3, 2013 Who is Jackson Pollack? According to legend... One day after wiping his posterior, the untalented but determined art school reject had an epiphany. He was staring at the smears on his soiled bathroom tissue, and was... KEEP READING Political Doublespeak Translator Pro March 2, 2013 Never be Fooled Again! Impious Political analysts use only the best software when it comes to researching politicians, and we'd like to take this opportunity to thank the programming team that made the PDT (Political... KEEP READING On C's January 16, 2014 Collin consorted with a castrating cunt called Carrie. Carrie couldn’t conceal her contempt concerning Collin, her constant conniving, complaining, and calumny clearly cut Collin’s confidence. Clandestinely Carrie carried on a cabal with a creepy cat... KEEP READING The Society for the Appreciation of Bitch Slappin' the Mimes March 29, 2014 The Impious Digest hires only the best and strongest pimps to administer the bitch slappin' we give to mimes across the nation. But it's not cheap. Ice packs (for bruised knuckles), travel expenses, bail money... KEEP READING Celebrity Psycho Therapy March 23, 2014 My name is Dr. Hugh Janus and I am a psychologist. I have been commissioned to analyze the following celebrities with only their public behavior and writings to guide me through the twisted wreckage of... KEEP READING Boris Johnson Globalist Action Figure Hits Market April 14, 2018 A flop. As successful as his barber. KEEP READING Select Children's Books by Madonna March 26, 2015 I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like Madonna's sham. Would you like her shitty books here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like... KEEP READING Woman brings shotgun and nursing child to Obama health reform rally. March 2, 2013 Courtesy
Why the fuck did you have a kid? KEEP READING New Scientific Consensus on Definition of Moron June 5, 2014 Speaking of consensus, I suppose his antagonism toward scientific consensus is understandable, given that a vast majority of scientists consider Krauthammer a moron. In other fields, he fares little better: the consensus among psychologists is... KEEP READING Yay! More Complaints. October 14, 2015 "I selected all of the above just so I could send this message, while I appreciate news outlets that try to get the truth out there, a lot of this website comes off as way... KEEP READING Chris Elliot's "Thwacker" September 11, 2013 I had only read the first chapter, which the author refers to as “Chapter the First”, before I was wondering aloud if it was the funniest book ever written.This chapter alone was even funnier than... KEEP READING Hillary's Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss September 22, 2017 It's coming. You know it, I know it, her garden hose knows it. KEEP READING A Psychological Analysis of a Psychologist Who Analyzed Trump February 13, 2017 In this article, we will conclusively demonstrate that any group of psychiatrists or psychologists that can diagnose a famous figure without a personal consultation and assessment is not just unethical, but risking their careers. The... KEEP READING On S January 15, 2014 Sam was a small and sad sociopath and stalker with a substandard sexual segment. Sam sought-after a student, and shop owner, some slandered as a slut. She was Sheri Summerset, a somewhat socially shy, but... KEEP READING In Defense of Apocalypto March 1, 2013 If our hands are bloody through needless wars and dehumanization, despite all our advances in science and human understanding, if our own sense of right and wrong is ambiguous as it was since man began,... KEEP READING The Literary Bucket List: Ghosts/Aliens March 20, 2013 On "Ghosts/Aliens": "THE BEST BOOK OF ALL TIME! (EVEN BETTER THAN THE BIBLE!)." So writes one soldier from Baghdad, Iraq in his customer review. Although I wouldn't go so far, it got me thinking. With... KEEP READING True or False? March 10, 2013 A syndicated journalist's first encounter in an AOL chat room leads to an unexpected and sobering trip to Humilityville by Evil Wombat, demon marsupial and guardian of children's library (in hell). KEEP READING ZIONISIS: Bullies as Victims October 2, 2014 Don't play victim when you have the Senate, Congress, the US media, Hollywood, the United States armed forces and intelligence agencies under your thumb. You're a fucking bully, everyone knows it, and you're embarrassing yourself.... KEEP READING Men who dump their girlfriends for supporting Hillary March 18, 2013 From the internet grab bag: Men who dump their girlfriends for supporting Hillary Clinton-- or worse-- looking like her. KEEP READING
