Epic Rap Battles of History

If Eleanor did speak, she did well in getting the former president to mention the fact that she communes with the dead on a regular basis, because it confirms what many already know: Miss Cleo is a terrible foreign policy adviser. In Macbeth, a classic tragedy, Shakespeare addresses this and the question of free will. Macbeth, a Scottish lord meets three witches after winning a battle. They call him "Thane of Cawdor" and "future King of Scotland" before this even happens. But King Duncan, though rewarding him with the title of the recently executed Thane of Cawdor, announces that his son will be heir to the throne.  Macbeth believes that he has to kill the king now to fulfill the prophecy of the witches. Once Macbeth becomes king, however, he becomes so paranoid about losing power that he starts killing everyone around him, Kissinger style. Eventually his friends turn on him, and then even his army. […]

Because the center of power is in Great Britian, a great deception has taken place. Great Britian has “given up” her empire, has seemingly lost her power. The Masons in Great Britian try harder not to be seen associated with revolution, and not to be associated publicly with the occult. The British MI5 and MI6 operate under far greater secrecy than the American CIA. The power in Great Britian that issues directives has been kept very secret. Under the disguise of conquering nature, of protecting us from enemies (which they themselves created—sometimes real sometimes fictitious) they have built powerful systems and technology to enable a few hundred men to rule over the billions of mankind. […]

I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like Madonna's sham. Would you like her shitty books here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham, "The English Roses," or Viagra spam. I do not like Madonna, ma'am. I do not like them, Sam-I-am. Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like how you inquire. I hope you all die in a fire. […]