IN BRIEF: Chelsea Handler Introduces Tube Sock Line Modeled After Her Breasts

Analysis of signal intelligence (SIGINT) intercepts from both the US Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), and at least 7 of the 16 intelligence agencies under the command of the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (DNI), point towards an Islamic State (IS/ISIS/ISIL/Daesh) terror bombing being the cause of the catastrophic collapse of a critical bridge in the American city of Atlanta—and that led the State of Georgia to declare an immediate state of emergency. […]

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of “Jeff Zucker head”, “Butt Fucker Zucker,” “Zuck face”, “CNN is Fake News!”, “CNN is ISIS!” and “Mother Zucker” that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, “Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker’s Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy” was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today. […]

An alarming new Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) [English] report circulating in the Kremlin today warns that the group of CIA-funded Syrian terror leaders flown into Washington D.C. yesterday have in their possession at least 37 FIM-92 Stinger shoulder fired anti-aircraft missiles just given to them by the CIA under a “secret agreement”—and whose planned use of is a not-too-subtle “Deep State” retaliation threat to begin shooting down US passenger airliners—and is their response to loyal Trump forces exploding their “15 January” bombshell by providing top Republican Party leaders in the US Congress more than 1.2 million documents relating to the crimes committed by the Obama-Clinton regime—with even more expected within the coming days. […]