Hillary Clinton

Was Seth Rich the DNC Leak? Ask John Podesta

Podesta: “I’m definitely for making an example of a suspected leaker whether or not we have any real basis for it.” In the first week of August several news boards alleged that Huma Abedin was the leak, and that she had Seth Rich contact Wikileaks and Anonymous. Wikileaks has offered a $20,000 reward leading to the capture of Rich’s killer(s). Yet another source, SVR intelligence analysts, claim that the hit team was captured in a shoot out with the FBI on July 12, 2016. […]

Hillary Clinton

PeePee-Leaks! Hillary Blames Putin for Leaking Her Bladder

Citing an anonymous CIA source, twice failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton peed herself earlier today at a gathering laying out the true reasons for her loss. News later emerged that the Russians were somehow responsible for leaking the full contents of her bladder before she could finish her speech. This time Russian leader Vladimir “The Bladder Whisperer” Putin did take the blame and said her vesica, a double agent, was “always a faithful leaker.” […]

Cloak and Dagger

The Ruling that Made it Legal for the Media to Lie

Back in 2006, a major news network went to court to defend their right to lie. This is the ruling that made it legal. “In a stunningly narrow interpretation of FCC rules, the Florida Appeals court claimed that the FCC policy against falsification of the news does not rise to the level of a ‘law, rule, or regulation,’ it was simply a ‘policy.’ Therefore, it is up to the station whether or not it wants to report honestly.” […]

Hillary Clinton

Agent Govniuk Exposed as Russian Agent/Hillary Alter Personality

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary’s alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders’ campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because “Agent Govniuk” blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors. […]

Cloak and Dagger

Russian Conspiracy Theory Fail

No Russians involved. Dr. Steve Pieczenik was Deputy Assistant Secretary of State under Henry Kissinger, Cyrus Vance and James Baker. His expertise includes foreign policy, international crisis management and psychological warfare. He served the presidential administrations of Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush in the capacity of deputy assistant secretary.

In 1974, Pieczenik joined the US State Department as a consultant to help in the restructuring of its Office for the Prevention of Terrorism. […]

JAG

Let the Internet Decide: Ranking Algorithm to Let Users Decide True Journalism

A ranking system apart from Google and Fuckerberg to let users rank which major media source is least trustworthy. A means to warn readers about major false stories they promulgated in the past, from the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq hoax to calling torture an enhanced interrogation method. Political bias will be weighed against a means to verify stories with available documentation. Anonymous sources by any media will be immediately discredited. […]

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Attacks Fake News for Getting Her Hopes Up

An embittered Hillary Clinton emerged today to blast the malicious and dangerous "fake news" that got her hopes up by proclaiming her certain win. "All of you who got my hopes up need to take the blame… Why did you play me like that? Why did you so cruelly make my win appear so certain, only to have it taken from my grasp? You in the media with your fake news of sunny days ahead destroyed me emotionally and politically. These burns on my lips, that's on you fuckers, you got me sucking on a tail pipe this morning to improve my outlook." […]

Donald Trump

Media Erupts After Trump Eats a Burrito Without Their Permission

After a withering attack for eating a burrito without their consent, Donald Trump ordered a giant 6 foot burrito and appointed it Secretary of Go Fuck Yourself CNN. “He’s appropriating a cultural heritage,” cried CNN’s Don Lemon as his panel nodded grimly. “It’s dangerous and likely to exacerbate racial tensions.” Never one to shy away from controversy, PEOTUS Donald Trump immediately got himself a taco bowl, and washed the meal down with a vintage 2016 bottle of Rachel Maddow’s election night tears. […]

JAG

Jill Stein Demands Pit Hair Recount

In a surprising development, crazed Green Party candidate Jill Stein called for a recount of her 10,984 pit hairs in hopes that it could somehow influence the electoral college and flip the election. Catatonic Clinton volunteers, still in grief and shock, had already counted the hairs twice in a painfully mistaken belief they could use them to replace the ballots in Michigan.

“The hairy Green bitch lied to us!” cried a rueful Rose Pudenda. “I have arthritis and I can’t afford this aggravation. It took me five minutes to flip her the bird.” […]

9/11

American Holocaust: 9/11 an Irrefutable Nuclear Event

“The file included documentation of a 2003 preliminary report on 9/11 which identified the event as a nuclear demolition on behalf of a terrorist organization that had accessed nuclear material from US stockpiles though Israeli penetration of the Department of Energy. It further alleged that the Department of Homeland Security had been established to manage the coverup and silence whistleblowers.” […]

Hillary Clinton

Pedophilia Scandal: New York Times Already on Defensive

In regards to the Hollywood and DC child sex rings, damage control makes the elite defend the indefensible: pedophilia. A two-year old article reflects the framing of the scandal as it first appeared. Incidentally, to the pervert who wrote this at the NYT, Margo Kaplan, pedophilia is indeed a crime and you might want to look into the law books to see just how serious it is. “Pedophilia is a Disorder, Not a Crime” just won’t fly in the courts or with anyone that’s ever been molested or raped as a child. […]