Media Erupts After Trump Eats a Burrito Without Their Permission

Trump congratulates new Secretary of Go Fuck Yourself CNN.

In another controversial move, Donald Trump tweeted that he ate a burrito and that it “was delicious.” This created a firestorm of debate among the dying legacy media that swept the talk shows and cable news. After a withering attack for eating Mexican food without their consent, Donald Trump ordered a giant 6 foot burrito and appointed it Secretary of Go Fuck Yourself CNN.

Pepe the Frog, Trump’s legendary Latino supporter.

“He’s appropriating a cultural heritage,” cried CNN’s Don Lemon as his panel nodded grimly. “It’s dangerous and likely to exacerbate racial tensions.”

ABC’s Martha Radditz hosted her own panel blaming “Burritogate” on sexism by questioning if he only ate the burrito because it was cooked by a male. “We may not know for sure, but sources do tell us there is a 75% chance it was cooked by a mysterious frog they call Pepe. This man will be our next president, and frankly, I’m afraid.”

Maddow’s Tears.

A terrified Radditz then urinated on herself and the show cut to an immediate commercial break.

At press time, PEOTUS Donald Trump gave a thumbs up and noted “They said I could never be president, and pundits said I could never finish a burrito. But that was one delicious burrito, it was even cooked and made in America, and I intend to eat many more.”

Never one to shy away from controversy, PEOTUS Donald Trump immediately got himself a taco bowl, and washed the meal down with a vintage 2016 bottle of Rachel Maddow’s election night tears. After a sip he added, “Mmmmm. Salty, a bit bitter, but a damn fine drink.”


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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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