May 2014

Before Ann Coulter Conquered Twitter, She Conquered Facebook

By |May 13th, 2014

Before Ann Coulter Conquered Twitter, She Conquered Facebook

April 2014

Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses

By |April 5th, 2014

The conversations in the Cooper books have a curious sound in our modern ears. To believe that such talk really ever came out of people's mouths would be to believe that there was a time when time was of no value to a person who thought he had something to say; when it was the custom to spread a two-minute remark out to ten; when a man's mouth was a rolling-mill, and busied itself all day long in turning four-foot pigs of thought into thirty-foot bars of conversational railroad iron by attenuation; when subjects were seldom faithfully stuck to, but the talk wandered all around and arrived nowhere; when conversations consisted mainly of irrelevancies, with here and there a relevancy, a relevancy with an embarrassed look, as not being able to explain how it got there.

March 2014

The Society for the Appreciation of Bitch Slappin’ the Mimes

By |March 29th, 2014

The Impious Digest hires only the best and strongest pimps to administer the bitch slappin' we give to mimes across the nation. But it's not cheap. Ice packs (for bruised knuckles), travel expenses, bail money and legal fees are just part of the expenses incurred in our efforts to make every child smile. Our pimps charge an hourly wage, but a fair one.

Epic Rap Battles of History

By |March 28th, 2014

Einstein vs. Hawking, Edison vs. Tesla, Napoleon vs. Napoleon, Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare, Darth Vader vs. Hitler, Gandhi vs. Martin Luther King, Jr. The best rap battles in history!

October 2013

Separated at Birth

By |October 5th, 2013

Earlier today it was reported there was a study that Barack Obama and Brad Pitt were cousins, and that Angelina Jolie and Hillary Clinton were distantly related also. Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, according to the genealogist with enough spare time on his hand to come up with the findings.

September 2013

Limbaugh’s Unusual Gay Marriage Ban Celebration

By |September 30th, 2013

You know how Rush is always talking about  "bending over and grabbing the ankles" for minorities to the point of obsession? As Gabriel Winant notes in his Salon article "When Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman sought to court African-American votes by apologizing for his party's past, Limbaugh grumbled, 'Republicans are going to go bend over and grab the ankles.'" Well, I have news for you. He speaks from experience, albeit not from minorities per say.

Robert Pattinson’s Unibrow Walks Off Set

By |September 30th, 2013

Robert Pattinson of "Twilight" fame had no comment after his unibrow walked off the set in a bitter contract dispute with producers refusing to recognize it as autonomous and sentient. Presently filming his new teen romance "Smell My Finger, Dudes", Robert had little to say except he can't resume filming until he stops waking up to this...

Censored Brady Bunch Episodes

By |September 13th, 2013

Not every Brady Bunch episode made it past the zealous censors of 1970s television. Even this, the most innocent of shows, the most wholesome, managed to somehow offend the sensibilities of anal retentive network censors. Here now, for your perusal, the lost classics...

Miley Cyrus is Creeping Me the Fuck Out

By |September 11th, 2013

You know the whole scandal about Miley Cyrus' twerking at the Video Music Awards wasn't even about her, at least not as far as I'm concerned. Sure, she's creepy and she's so lost in the Hollywood abyss of sexual depravity she thinks fetishes like furries, that is people dressing up like furry animals to have sex with each other, are mainstream.

Chris Elliot’s “Thwacker”

By |September 11th, 2013

I had only read the first chapter, which the author refers to as “Chapter the First”, before I was wondering aloud if it was the funniest book ever written.This chapter alone was even funnier than Real Ultimate Power, by Robert Hamburger (an ode to a young teen’s masturbation unto all things Ninja). That’s no small feat, as Hamburger’s book is one of the most cherished books on my very lonely bookshelf. The first chapter of Elliot’s book is available for download as a PDF file. To see it, link here. Or better yet, buy the damned book.