Entertainment

Select Children’s Books by Madonna

I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like Madonna's sham. Would you like her shitty books here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham, "The English Roses," or Viagra spam. I do not like Madonna, ma'am. I do not like them, Sam-I-am. Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like how you inquire. I hope you all die in a fire. […]

Censorship

Article Slideshow

https://www.ispeech.org/text.to.speech[easyrotator]erc_90_1428472297[/easyrotator] Article Slideshow of all Impious Digest stories. A virtual roulette of impious foolishness with a spattering of more serious content.

Books

A BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY by Mark Twain

Two or three persons having at different times intimated that if I would write an autobiography they would read it, when they got leisure, I yield at last to this frenzied public demand, and herewith tender my history: Ours is a noble old house, and stretches a long way back into antiquity. The earliest ancestor the Twains have any record of was a friend of the family by the name of Higgins. […]

Books

Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses

The conversations in the Cooper books have a curious sound in our modern ears. To believe that such talk really ever came out of people’s mouths would be to believe that there was a time when time was of no value to a person who thought he had something to say; when it was the custom to spread a two-minute remark out to ten; when a man’s mouth was a rolling-mill, and busied itself all day long in turning four-foot pigs of thought into thirty-foot bars of conversational railroad iron by attenuation; when subjects were seldom faithfully stuck to, but the talk wandered all around and arrived nowhere; when conversations consisted mainly of irrelevancies, with here and there a relevancy, a relevancy with an embarrassed look, as not being able to explain how it got there. […]

Entertainment

The Society for the Appreciation of Bitch Slappin’ the Mimes

The Impious Digest hires only the best and strongest pimps to administer the bitch slappin' we give to mimes across the nation. But it's not cheap. Ice packs (for bruised knuckles), travel expenses, bail money and legal fees are just part of the expenses incurred in our efforts to make every child smile. Our pimps charge an hourly wage, but a fair one. […]

Entertainment

Separated at Birth

Earlier today it was reported there was a study that Barack Obama and Brad Pitt were cousins, and that Angelina Jolie and Hillary Clinton were distantly related also. Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, according to the genealogist with enough spare time on his hand to come up with the findings. […]

Entertainment

Robert Pattinson’s Unibrow Walks Off Set

Robert Pattinson of "Twilight" fame had no comment after his unibrow walked off the set in a bitter contract dispute with producers refusing to recognize it as autonomous and sentient. Presently filming his new teen romance "Smell My Finger, Dudes", Robert had little to say except he can't resume filming until he stops waking up to this… […]

Censorship

Censored Brady Bunch Episodes

Not every Brady Bunch episode made it past the zealous censors of 1970s television. Even this, the most innocent of shows, the most wholesome, managed to somehow offend the sensibilities of anal retentive network censors. Here now, for your perusal, the lost classics… […]

Entertainment

Miley Cyrus is Creeping Me the Fuck Out

You know the whole scandal about Miley Cyrus' twerking at the Video Music Awards wasn't even about her, at least not as far as I'm concerned. Sure, she's creepy and she's so lost in the Hollywood abyss of sexual depravity she thinks fetishes like furries, that is people dressing up like furry animals to have sex with each other, are mainstream. […]