Miley Cyrus is Creeping Me the Fuck Out

You know the whole scandal about Miley Cyrus’ twerking at the Video Music Awards wasn’t even about her, at least not as far as I’m concerned.


HOT. Jennifer Lawrence. Is she seduction defined or what? She makes blind men pop boners.

NOT. Look at me! Seductive equivalent of a pissing toad. Put your tongue back in your mouth, idiot.

highres_444444480Sure, she’s creepy and she’s so lost in the Hollywood Swilluminati she thinks fetishes like furries, that is people dressing up like furry animals to have sex with each other, are mainstream.

I mean, what’s wrong with real animals? Fucking snob. Even British Prime Minister David Cameron isn’t above fucking a dead pig.

That doesn’t creep me out as much as the people who get turned on by Cyrus, and I gather there must be a few despite the overwhelming and well-deserved ridicule from the hallowed walls of OES, i.e. the Office of Erection Standards; the latter which flew its flag at half-mast for days in protest. (If you’re a man, you know all about the Office of Erection Standards because they’re the ones that send telepathic signals that stop your boner in its tracks if you have just got in bed with a whale, aren’t drunk enough to ensure you will forget the shameful night with Miley tomorrow, or just realized your partner has a penis.)

"I wanna be a ho" still from SNL too painfully real for satire.
The only book in Miley’s voluminous library.
Nic Cage would have been more sexy.
Nic Cage would have been more sexy.

Of these few who did find Cyrus sexy, they’d have to be pimps to appreciate Cyrus’ new-found penchant for self-degradation. Indeed, her attempts to sexually commercialize herself were so desperate they would bring a gleam to the eye of any Disney mack daddy but likely no one else.

See the dancer in the animated gif above?  That’s Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t know who the fuck that guy is but he is annoying.

Lawrence is sexy. This is so sexy I could scream, and I was doing just that for a few hours until the neighbors called the cops. Jennifer Lawrence has style and grace and actually knows how to dance. This animated gif is one of the most popular memes out there because it is that hot.

Twerking is for losers. Well, if you suck at it, at least.


Wow, that’s sexy! Hannah Montana dressed like a construction worker in panties and t-shirt!


Doesn’t every guy fantasize of over-exposed media whores licking the dirt off of filthy sledgehammers? Sexy! Although most would foolishly assume that men have sexual fantasies involving them as opposed to inanimate construction tools, they would be dead wrong, for behold, Miley/Hannah Montana is a master of seduction and knows men better than we know ourselves.


Hmmmm. Yeah, baby. I forgot about the chain. Chains are sexy! Kiss that chain you sexy bitch! I think I’m gonna cum!


The biggest tease? That this wrecking ball hasn’t crushed her to death.

Disney Channel Crushed

27-year-old BBC Radio 1 DJ Greg James sexily straddling a wrecking ball in parody of Miley Cyrus video.

I love this spoof. But try this: mute the sound in the real video on YouTube to fully appreciate just why everyone involved in the production of  “Wrecking Ball”, including the caterers who should have poisoned the crew but didn’t, need to be packed into a space ship and launched into the sun.

Hitler Rants About Miley Cyrus, Can’t “Un-see” Her Horrible Act

Even Adolf Hitler, a very naughty man by all accounts,  is tired of her predictable “Notice me, I’m a bad girl!” shit.

Get it together Miley. Now Hitler himself is spoofing your video.

Needless to say, Hitler’s call for a new Hitler Youth music video did not include Miley Cyrus. Even this guy did a better job.

Oh yeah. And fuck this guy, too…

Oh yeah. And fuck this guy too.
Put Your Clothes Back On

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