Select Children’s Books by Madonna



I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like Madonna’s sham. 
Would you like her shitty books here or there? 
I would not like them here or there. 
I would not like them  anywhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham, “The English Roses,” or Viagra spam. 
I do not like Madonna, ma’am. 
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Green-eggs-and-hamWould you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like how you inquire
I hope you all die in a fire

Pages from Madonna - SexStand in awe Dr. Seuss, avert thine eyes, affix some tinted glasses lest Madonna’s brilliance blind thee!

Herein, in the video below, some sample pages from Madonna’s earlier literary masterpiece, “Sex”. As you can see, this paragon of virtue is more than qualified to set the moral standards for impressionable young minds; impressing them through the first words children will learn to read.

How can anyone resist the charms of this toe-sucking imbecile? Seriously. She likes to suck toes, so…. it’s literal. Not that it is necessarily bad to suck toes, it just seems weird when they are not your own, and you are not three months old. She sucks ass. Wait, that’s literal too. She is giving someone a rim job in the slideshow above. Damn, it sure is hard to rib someone with no self-respect.

Indeed, is she not someone you’d want your child to emulate?

marquis-de-sadeChildren’s books by pop culture’s answer to the Marquis de Sade…

Like Marquis de Sade before her, Madonna’s sexual arousal via the desecration of religious symbols is a hallmark of her erotic tutelage. Compare Madonna’s desecration to an account of the Marquis’ debauchery, which led to his arrest in October of 1763:

“Upon entering the room, the Marquis bolted the door behind them and immediately demanded to know if Mlle. Testard [was] of the Roman Catholic faith. When she responded affirmatively… he also began to engage in the most provocative and blasphemous acts, including masturbating into a chalice, referring to the Lord as “motherfucker” and inserting two communion hosts into the terrified young woman before entering her himself, all the while screaming, “If thou art God, avenge thyself”…When she refused to let him beat her, he proceeded to masturbate with a pair of crucifixes, after which he held her at sword-point while forcing her to repeat vulgar, blasphemous impieties.”


Video Graffiti: American Life

Madonna’s uncensored European music video. Contains nudity and bad dancing. The nudes herein are from Madonna’s book Sex They are actual page excerpts and not retouched in any way. The music video, however, is most egregiously retouched, and spoofed. Muahahaha. Discretion (and barf bag) advised.

As a writer… well, Madonna is not a writer any more than she is a virgin. However, she is nothing if not a zealot, and as she sings in the video “I like to express my extreme point of view” she is true to her word. Unfortunately, that point of view; the the answer to every pressing geopolitical, economic, religious and social issue facing us today is a flash of her rancid vagina, a trademarked public utility, so books for little kids should be no exception. That said, here now, a few of my favorites culled from the book cart at the local VD clinic.

Select Children’s Books by Madonna


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