Month: March 2013

Ooooh. AP is threatening the web, saying it plans to withhold content and police the web for anyone using them as reference to fight a “piracy” they mastered like no other. As for their threat, […]

An honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck. […]

Give the people what they want, I say. Here now, a celebration of unshaved, natural beauty, large, firm jugs and expensive hoes. Discretion advised. […]

You're so stupid you think Christmas Wrap is Snoop Doggy Dogg's holiday album. You're so stupid you stand up on an empty bus. And last but not least, Wolf Blitzer is so stupid he got hit by a parked car. Even if what stood before Blitzer was a hologram, and it wasn't, it would still appear on two-dimensional television, thereby making the hologram no more exceptional or real than Wolf Blitzer's reportorial credentials. […]

Why the ostracism? Why was the Bush handshake refused? Was it because of what he had turned our nation into, a third world dictatorship heading a first world superpower? […]

Why would Henry Kissinger endorse Hillary? was it because she was the only candidate for the job who made diplomacy under sniper fire a testament to girl power? oh wait. There was no sniper fire! and there was no blow to the feminist movement that once looked up to her! So I don’t understand why she would be offered the position. Maybe her blunders make her uniquely qualified for the job. Or maybe Obama wants her inside the tent, pissing out, rather than outside the tent, pissing in. […]

May 29, 1993: The Onion’s story about Roy the Forklift driver becoming a media darling of the conservative movement becomes, apparently, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or has talk radio dumbed us down so much what once was so unlikely as to be satirical now surprises no one? In the article, the uneducated forklift operator from Ohio addresses a spellbound nation on The Rush Limbaugh Show to “offer profound insight on current events.” Unlike the forklift driver, Joe the Plumber now has a book deal by a subsidiary of Rupert Murdoch’s ultra-right media empire. This reflects just as badly on Murdoch as it does on those who look up to Joe the Plumber. […]

Based on the hoax heard ’round the world, i.e., the fake attack on Ashley Todd by an alleged 6’4″ black Obama supporter which was perpetrated by Todd herself. That’s right, go as the Mutilated Crazy McCain Girl with our high quality temporary tattoos! Tattoos guaranteed to affix backwards in a realistic likeness to make it obvious the mutilation was done in front of a mirror, and that you’re a complete moron. […]

As a master of race hysteria campaigns, of wing-nut smear campaigns designed to “divide and conquer” the electorate, Glenn Beck consistently foments the potentially fatal dehumanization of ethnic or minority children via broadcast medium. […]

“The second manifestation of the force of the Masonic obligation was made visible in the courts of justice… The sheriffs, whose duty it was under the laws of New York to select and summon the grand juries, were, in all the counties in which the deeds of violence against Morgan had been committed, Freemasons. Several of them had themselves been parties to the crime. They did not hesitate to make use of their power as officers of justice to screen the criminals from conviction. The jurors whom they summoned were most of them Masons, some of them participators in the offenses into which it became their civil duty to inquire.” […]

If you’re sick of seeing product placement in movies and television, you’re about to get sicker. Now you’ll have a mental association of a brand based on a film title alone. You wont have to see a film to visualize a product. Don’t believe it? Behold… […]

“The practice of Involuntary Brain-Wave Cessation (IBWC) interrogation techniques includes but is not limited to water boarding, beatings, drowning, hanging, shooting the interrogee point blank in the face, dismemberment, throwing the interrogated off tall buildings or aircraft, and running him over repeatedly with a tank. The intelligence gathered postmortem may save American lives; provided the torture can continue after the prisoner is deceased and there is a medium to relay the confession. It is therefore our opinion that the jury is still out on the interrogation efficacy of IBWC.” […]

After jerking off to birther nuts, particularly himself, Beck went on to call Obama a racist. This was the last straw, since it has always been clear that Beck is the actual racist. A boycott was launched. […]

Like every book before it, the book is another tiresome rant about liberals. In fact, if you took out the word liberal it would be a flyer. […]