Humor

Humor

Trump May Require Years of Therapy After Meghan Markle Snub

April 25, 2019 JAG

Upon learning Meghan Markle would not be present when he visits the Queen,  a despondent President Trump found himself making appointments with the top trauma psychologist in town.

“I’ve defeated the Bush dynasty, the Clinton dynasty, the deep state that paralyzed our country, but I cannot defeat the staggering depression I feel from not having Mrs. Markle there when I visit. It’s not because the Queen made a very rare request for my appearance that I agreed to go. It’s because I actually want to see her. Just to see her…” he sobbed, trailing off. “Not good. Not good. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone really famous, and here we have England’s answer to the Kardashians.  I hate the spotlight so I was really counting on having her distracting retinue of paparazzi steal the thunder from a state visit! So I am very distraught! Not good.”

When informed that she wasn’t even invited to the private audience, he was still not consoled.

“What did I do to deserve this? What do I have to do to win her approval?”

  […]

Cyrus the Stray

Disgraced Telegraph Writer Nina Burleigh Says U.S Women Should Give Bill Clinton Oral Sex for Abortion Rights

January 31, 2019 JAG

As of January 31st, 2019, the retracted Telegraph article by Nina Burleigh (another hit piece on Melania Trump) marked the second time in less than one year Burleigh’s pieces have been retracted, Before that, a piece about Russian bots taking down Sen.Al Frankin. Now Burleigh is suing The Telegraph for defamation because the paper apologized for Burleigh’s piece. So Nina, now that you know the sting of defamation, if indeed that is what the Telegraph did, perhaps you’ll ease up on the pointless dehumanization of the Trump family, for you may soon discover, in a most unpleasant manner, the liability of your past inaccuracies and falsehoods. If I may offer a humble suggestion, you may want to mark your pieces as “fiction” to avoid any future embarrassments. […]

Cyrus the Stray

Snopes Endorsement Unwelcome, Call Us False or We Will Sue

December 12, 2018 JAG

In fact, because we know through Snopes’ own history they are hit and run defamation mercenaries for sale to the highest bidder, we couldn’t do anything but distance ourselves from these professional slanderers as a matter of conscience. We not only reject their endorsement, our legal team will ensure they never try to do it again. It was decided that our best option was to demand they call anything we publish correctly “false,” even retroactively, lest a “true” rating from these evil clowns suggest we are a willing part of their three-ring shit show; where ethical, professional journos are shot out of cannons into shark tanks and child molesters are fanned and held aloft obsequiously by a cheering Snopes caravan. […]

Cyrus the Stray

Celine Dion’s New Order Fashion Titanic Dead On Arrival

December 1, 2018 JAG

You see that poor girl modeling these clothes? Her nickname is “Smiley” because she is always happy and her smile is contagious. But then she had to wear this shit for a photo shoot. Yeah, I’d be depressed and embarrassed too. Poor use of color, I mean, black and yellow? What is she? a taxi? And the skull theme? that Illuminati shit still supposed to be edgy? What next? Baphomet horns on a yellow and black hat? This Canadian export (the clothing and designer herself) is so terrible it should, in and of itself, give us cause to reassess our new trade deal with Canada. Honestly, though, the true crime of unisex attire is that it is unoriginal. The vast majority of the world is quite happy with their biological gender, and want to dress accordingly, but this requires originality. […]

4chan

Scott Adams, Watch the Friendly Fire

August 12, 2018 JAG

Is Scott Adams an authority to be trusted above your own research and free will? Is this the underlying message, or is it ego? The problem with fame is the ability to influence others often convinces these talents to believe their own sense of intellectual authority. Lots of us don’t know how to think think critically, or the pitfalls of common logical fallacies and psychological defense mechanisms like cognitive dissonance. Your author is not an authority on anything, but humbly asks you learn to trust yourself. I don’t want you to think like me, I just want you to think. […]

Cyrus the Stray

Acid Attacker Reluctantly Spares Kathy Griffin, Worried it Would Only Improve Her Appearance

June 20, 2018 JAG

Abdul Smegma, a notorious London acid attacker wanted for permanently disfiguring the faces of at least twenty women, announced in a Skype video today that despite Kathy Griffin’s innately offensive nature and blasphemous imbecility, he would not splash acid on her face because “it’s just so damned hideous that burning the fugly off her mug would be an improvement, thus defeating the purpose of such an attack.” […]

Cyrus the Stray

The Dunning-Kruger Effect: The more a person thinks they know is the less they really do.

April 20, 2018 JAG

The surest proof of media brainwashing is thinking you are smarter and just as informed as the President of the United States just because the media says so; without cabinet advisers or the Presidential Daily Brief (PDB) from all key intelligence agencies. The 2nd surest proof of brainwashing is believing you are smarter than President Trump just because the media flatters you into believing it. Consider the skill set we need to be anywhere near his intelligence (estimated 156 IQ, genius, believe it or not, with accomplishments and skill sets that actually support an applied, not passive, 156 IQ). How many of us can say that we have, without having held any public office or political experience, ran for and won the presidency of the United States on the first try? […]