Cloak and Dagger

Trump Offers Photographic Proof of Election Meddling, Putin Silent

A stern President Trump met with President Vladimir at the G20 with irrefutable proof of Russian election meddling. “You put Debbie Wasserman-Schultz up to rigging the primary. Can you deny this is you celebrating with Debbie, Podesta, and Mook after you heard Rich died? Didn’t you rig the primaries against Bernie so you could continue with more uranium deals after you managed to get 20% of ours with Hillary? You secretly wanted her to win. It was the perfect set up. You continued to pay her through the Clinton Foundation and more deals would be made to undermine our nuclear deterrent. Podesta would be Secretary of State and he already had business worth 35 million in Russia. You’re busted, Mr. Putin.”

President Putin was speechless, and hung down his head in shame. “It was Podesta the Molesta’s idea.”

[…]

Donald Trump

The Mar-a-Lago Incident: Behind the Scenes with Low I.Q. Crazy Mika, Psycho Joe and Trump

Trump suddenly dropped his fork and winced as he glanced at a growing red stain on the tablecloth.

“Low I.Q. Crazy Mika, hey, the table! Oh come on! REALLY, Mika? Really? Go home! Your face-lift is bleeding all over  the table! We’re trying to eat here!”

Worse, not too long ago it was a bunch of creepy texts from Psycho Joe to the President, but this is a bit of an escalation. “Cry for help maybe?” the agent asked. […]

Censorship

Rachel Maddow’s Greatest Hit

“Donald Trump has to be taken out before he ruins our country,” Rachel Maddows tweeted on January 23, 2017. Since then some forensic psychologists have argued this language and dehumanization actually radicalized Rep. Steve Scalise’s shooter, James T. Hodgkinson, 66, who had fallen hook, line and sinker for a red-baiting narrative. In fact, in the Milgram Obedience experiment, good people were persuaded to harm and potentially kill people they actually met simply because a man in a white lab coat, an authority, told them to. For older Americans, the television set is still an authority. The shooter had created a hit list of high ranking Republicans to take out with an assault rifle. Scalise is the No. 3 House Republican leader. […]

In Brief

CNN, Your Tears Are Delicious!

“Those who would destroy our lives with lies, will themselves be destroyed by truth.” Cicada 3301.

Hmmm. Yummy, CNN, your tears are delicious.

Looks like CNN, and the mainstream media has so much contempt for you they don’t even think you deserve the right to feel upset about anything but what they want you to. Literally. They think you don’t have a right to care about the things that really matter to you, so right now, these swamp nobles have decreed that you must drop everything, and care about only what matters to them, and right now it’s President Trump tweeting mean things about CNN, and that should take precedence over everything in your sad little flyover lives. Specifically, you should personally be offended by a meme of Trump wrestling a CNN logo. Yep. That’s it. They want you to lose sleep over this, to march over this, to beat your kids for not caring, to self-immolate like a Buddhist monk in protest over this, to divorce your wives and husbands if they’re not upset about this too. […]

Cloak and Dagger

Intimidation 101: The Unspeakable DNC Gaslighting of Seth Rich Family

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Mike Cernovich put it best: in contrast to Wikileaks and others, the DNC has offered $0 reward, $0 for investigation, but has gone out of its way to “protect” the Rich family from anyone investigating an unsolved murder case wherein they are the immediate suspects. […]

Cloak and Dagger

How to Deal With Terrorists Calling for the Murder of Julian Assange

Be careful what you wish for. Julian Assange is a nice guy. But Assange has a lot of friends, and some ain’t so nice. They don’t like to see their friends threatened for trying to do the right thing. They may not be as forgiving as Assange, and they will not ask him for permission if anything happens. Why? because you fucking killed him, that’s why. Martin S. Friedlander, Nathan Hale, Jonathan Levine, Michael Grunwald, et al, you made Santa’s naughty list. Knock that shit off, Santa hates terrorists. These plebeians will have to weigh their own influence versus that of the target. That said, let’s see how the Russians, Israelis, and our own spooks deal with terrorists, since you want to play with the big boys by killing someone under diplomatic protection. […]

Independent Press

Inspiring! Trump’s Fiercest Enemies Offering Helpful Twitter Advice

Eschewing their natural instinct to kill a political rival, Trump’s enemies in the establishment GOP and the Democrats gathered together to offer President Trump warm, helpful advice on how to improve his messaging, so he can beat the shit out of them again with even more alacrity in the next cycle. “We love you Donald! We just want you to do well and make our country prosperous and work with us on health care and the economy! We know this Twitter thing is how you got elected and that it is a direct line to your base, a nervous system of the Trump machine that shatters the false reality constructs of so-called rational thinking spawned from General Semantics, the linguistic human engineering of groomed elites…. You know, the same the Rhodes Scholar media uses to manipulate Americans.” […]

Independent Press

Podesta’s “SHE BROKE ME!” Moment, Gets Ruined by Maria Bartiromo

“SHE BROKE ME!” Now there is a real journalist, Maria Bartiromo shows us how it’s done and punches the spirit cooking weirdo in the vagina. Podesta loses it as he is asked directly about his own ties to Russian investments, the sale of US uranium to Russia, and why he didn’t turn over the “hacked” DNC servers to the FBI or DHS, which we know now to be LEAKS. The topics, key as as they were, were verboten because they challenged the Russian conspiracy theory peddled by much of the media as a pretext for military action with Russia. Even FOX wouldn’t go there, so this was bold. BEST. ANCHOR. EVER. […]

Genius

Katy Perry Stumps Neil de Grasse Tyson: “Is math related to science?”

Neil deGrasse Tyson gets stumped by Katy Perry, the smartest girl in the world. PewDiePie delivers once again.

Perry: Is math related to science?

[crickets]

Tyson: Most people who could be born, will never be born. Will never even exist.

Perry: Like sperm…

Tyson: Well, sure, yeah yeah-

Perry: But it’s science!

Tyson: The rest don’t.

Perry: So where do they go?

Tyson: They’re dead!

Later, Perry waxed philosophical.

Perry: I wanna become a scientist now.

Tyson: NO! uh, we need you, we need you on the stage. When you’re done on the stage then we’ll take you in.

Perry: I might be done on the stage.
[…]

Independent Press

3rd Dimension Physical Reality a Light Projection of 4th Dimension Unified Consciousness

What does this mean? That the 3rd dimension physical reality is a focus-based light projection of an infinity of 4th dimension potentialities. It is spirit based, accessible at least partially in the dream state, and it is connected to the unified field of human consciousness. “I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness. If so, then aren’t physicists ontologically positing an independent-of-consciousness reality, defining it into existence?” Max Planck, The Observer, 25 Jan 1931. […]

Fake News

CNN’s Fake Russian Conspiracy Part of Ongoing Media Pretext for Major War

Let us first define fake news: fake news is “advocacy journalism.” Advocacy journalism is news that relies on the reporter’s confirmation bias, a logical fallacy, to spread stories that fit a common narrative. Fake news is literally destroying us, and this stooge above personifies fake news, or he wouldn’t be so angry. Bombing Syria to protect Americans, or to avenge the world for “gas attacks,” that is another narrative you will hear often. The western reporters, and anchors, will rely on their own confirmation bias to divert them from the unpleasant reality that they themselves are now making the deaths of innocents inevitable, including Syrian children we were supposed to protect from Assad. They will cherry pick any data that supports the false notion that a violent regime change will not create more carnage. This is war advocacy, and it’s a favorite of the neocons. A media that pushes for war on a false pretext is an enemy of the people, it is a very deadly enemy of the people and enemy of all of mankind. Of course the thinking man fucking hates you. […]

Fake News

White House Relents, Gives CNN’s Jim Acosta a Seat at the Table

After much criticism, gnashing of teeth, tantrums, and holding of his breath, CNN’s Jim “Pajama Booties” Acosta has prevailed against President Trump in his battle for White House access. Trump at last relented to his stern demands and offered the reporter “a highly coveted seat at the table.” Here, a proud Acosta announces the breaking news to a global audience. A night of hard-hitting news would follow. The first was Juice-box Gate. “Everyone here got one juice box, ” Acosta said solemnly, tears welling in his eyes, lips slightly quivering as he relived the traumatic moment. “President Trump got two juice boxes and even a crazy straw. He got two. It makes you wonder about the fairness and character of the man, and where the nation is going.”

Later, at a CNN panel discussing the “controversial breach in White House protocol,” the panel nodded in sober, unanimous consent. “It’s time for an independent investigation of the matter, perhaps led by Maxine Waters,” Don Lemon argued. “We’ve seen this before. It’s a disgrace to our country. Russia’s hand in this scandal is clear to all.” […]

Entertainment

Penis Suicide Rates Explode After CNN Chief Jeff Zucker Comparisons

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of “Jeff Zucker head”, “Butt Fucker Zucker,” “Zuck face”, “CNN is Fake News!”, “CNN is ISIS!” and “Mother Zucker” that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, “Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker’s Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy” was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today. […]

Donald Trump

In Brief: Pocahontas Rises from Dead to Sue Trump for Liz Warren Comparison

In a stunning development today, Native American legend Pocahontas rose from the dead in zombie form to file a lawsuit against President Donald Trump for defamation of character. “He has consistently compared Sen. Elizabeth Warren to me and I find that very hurtful and cruel. ‘Warren Face’ or ‘Ages With Warren’ is now a common taunt I must face among the dimmer circles. Mean little boys don cheap granny glasses and poke their fingers in the air to taunt the skinny girls, saying things like ‘I’m Warren Face Sacajawea’ or something.  I’m not even blonde, none of us are! No one likes to be compared to that yammering spinster and fraud.” […]