OPERATION RAMBLING HAG Update: Gen. Martha Radditz Captured


screenshot_2-4At the Trump and Clinton debate on October 19th, 2016, ABC’s Martha Radditz proposed a new Allepo strategy. She actually began to debate Trump on Hillary’s behalf to show off her prowess in war games and military history or as some wag noted “to run for president herself.” She argued it’s sometimes a good idea to telegraph intended targets weeks ahead against basic military doctrine (never strike without the element of surprise).

The plan called for notifying ISIS to tell them you’ll attack in a few days, or weeks, so “civilians” could escape from Allepo. But there’s the rub. ISIS would escape disguised as civilians, as they always do. Regardless, she gave the idea of “courtesy engagement” more thought and decided we could give advance notice, and bring cookies and refreshments to win over their black little shriveled hearts, thus ensuring a guaranteed psychological warfare victory.


Sensing they were in the midst of a staggering military genius, the defense department immediately recruited the television anchor and promoted her to general. She was flown to Allepo to handle the next offensive, where Operation RAMBLING HAG was immediately put into action,  but alas, the city fell immediately.

ISIS  “Micro-aggression” Catches Radditz by Surprise

A lone survivor described the last moments  of the carnage. “We told them we’d be coming in exactly 10 days, at noon, at the jacuzzi factory. They ate all the cookies. She stayed up all night baking cookies with happy faces on them and made us wear non-threatening propaganda buttons to help pacify ISIS fighters. But they ate everything, and then they shot everyone. Not cool, man. I was, like, all triggered and stuff. They were making fun of us! Can you believe that? They even took our ‘Love Trumps Hate’ buttons, stomped and pissed on them. That kind of micro-aggression is unacceptable, and I said as much as they took turns dick slapping me into unconsciousness.”

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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