Actual Elephant Art vs. Jackson Pollack

An elephant paints a self portrait and stuns everyone in sight. Not only is it well done, it would please an art critic. The picture blows away any ever done by chimps, the typical human child or Jackson Pollack. It also shows a keen observation of dimension and perspective lacking in middle age tapestries and Egyptian paintings. Not bad for an animal that paints with it’s trunk!

Art and Art Fraud

In your face Jackson Pollack! You been pwned!


“Number 31” 1949, oil on canvas, 76.8 X 56.1 cm.


Who is Jackson Pollack? According to legend…

One day after wiping his posterior, the untalented but determined art school reject had an epiphany. He was staring at the smears on his soiled bathroom tissue, and was about to flush it when suddenly he realized…

“This, too, is my art. Perhaps I can sell it to the vast majority of modern art patrons who couldn’t tell an honest effort at artistic expression from a cynical manipulation of their ignorance of art history and technique. Yes! there are people pretentious and tacky enough to frame this shit, and I can sell it! Hmmmm…”

Hence forth, every Pollack painting had the same vulgar, random and chaotic hallmark of his original inspiration, only with more color than the original brown. Jackson Pollack, a visionary, is now considered one of the most important American leaders in modern art. As you can see, “Number 31” is indeed a tired and derivative piece of “Number 2.”

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?