Sen. Robert Byrd’s Private Art Collection

“Premier artwork of historical significance! A series of Klan friendly depictions. Beautiful full kolor (sic) reproductions from original oil paintings by an award winning White Christian American artist.”

Anonymous Klan Artist

He wad a senior Democratic Senator best known for his virulent stand against the Civil Rights Act of 1964, a contempt for “white niggers” and an unrepentant past as a Klan recruiter. But look under the hood (pardon the pun), and you’ll see the driving force behind West Virginia’s new art museum, The Robert Byrd Museum of Art. Join us, won’t you? as we take a peek at Sen. Robert Byrd’s private art collection…

“A Light Unto the World”

Behold the crudely drawn legs… the hopelessly mangled limbs of this cross-burning cretin that almost cry out “I cannot paint feet and hands, therefore I will persecute the Jews and Negroes!” Indeed, it seems the only thing this anonymous Klan artist hated more than minorities, and his own life, was art school… I don’t know which is funnier…the line about “Klan friendly” depictions or the line about “premiere artwork of historical significance.”

Granted, the said artist has already achieved some historical significance in making some of the worst canvas vomit of the 20th century…

“Knight Watch”

Whilst many may find “Knight Watch” creepy and disturbing, I for one don’t.

This black velvet gem was originally titled “Casper the Friendly Ghost Attends a Cross Burning”, but due to a copyright infringement lawsuit from creators of the similarly titled cartoon series (below), the title of this monument to imbecility was subsequently changed.

Nathan Bedford Forrest

In an engaging portrait of the Confederate general and Fort Pillow war criminal; the artist invites us to ponder upon Forrest’s androgyny and one of the more perplexing questions surrounding the Civil War: Did the Confederacy favor gray uniforms, or ass goblin pastel blues?

When it comes to painting portraits, perhaps the artist should stick to hooded figures. As Forrest’s clumsily drawn right brow and lazy eye can attest, he can’t paint faces either.

Sigh. First it was the lynchings. Then the church bombings. Now, the Klan takes terrorism to a new level of cruelty…the art world. Assholes.

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?