Citing an anonymous CIA source, twice failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton peed herself earlier today at a gathering laying out the true reasons for her loss. News later emerged that the Russians were somehow responsible for leaking the full contents of her bladder before she could finish her speech. This time Russian leader Vladimir “The Bladder Whisperer” Putin did take the blame and said her vesica, a double agent, was “always a faithful leaker.”
Three hours prior to President Putin and President Trump issuing their joint statement, this report details, all of the leaders attending the APEC Summit received an urgent communiqué from Steamship Mutual Underwriting Association Limited stating that is was preparing to suspend all maritime insurance activities throughout the entire Middle East region within 48-72 hours unless “belligerent hostilities” ceased between Iran and Saudi Arabia. […]
According to this report, this “direct strike” upon American forces in Syria authorized today by President Putin is in response to the Trump administration warning last week that they are planning for the next stage of this warthe Americans describe as “a complex fight that will bring them into direct conflict with Syrian government and Iranian forces contesting control of a vast desert stretch in the eastern part of the country”.
Further necessitating this “direct strike” upon American forces in Syria, this report continues, was the US, yesterday, falsely claiming that Syria was preparing to use chemical weapons against Islamic terror forces ravaging their country, and that the United States threatened to retaliate against—with Trump’s United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley stating: “Any further attacks done to the people of Syria will be blamed on Assad, but also on Russia and Iran who support him killing his own people”. […]