“Putin dropped me repeatedly at birth,” Hacked DNC Emails with “Axe”

January 2, 2017 JAG Hillary Clinton, Independent Press
Vladimir Putin eyes a baby Hillary Clinton with ill intent, waiting for his nursing shift later that day so he could grab her from her crib and drop her repeatedly, ensuring a lasting cognitive impairment affecting world history in the century to come.

Political herpes Hillary Clinton, a crippling national embarrassment that just won’t go away, flared up again today as she finally came to terms with her intellectual deficits and leadership disasters by acknowledging they did exist and were a problem, but that Russian leader Vladimir Putin was responsible for her affliction.

The infamously shameless sore loser chimed in again today to attack Russia with unsubstantiated hacker claims, adding that if she sounds a trifle less astute in the geopolitical arena than John Kerry, Russian FM Sergei Lagrov, or most bipeds and mammals in general, it is because Putin used a time machine to travel back to 1869 and drop her repeatedly at birth.

Above, we see time traveler Vladimir Putin as he eyes a baby Hillary Clinton with ill intent, waiting for his nursing shift later that day so he could grab her from her crib and drop her repeatedly, ensuring her lasting cognitive impairment resulting in the deaths of hundreds of thousands in North Africa and the Middle East, and besmirching world history in the century to come with her role in creating ISIS along with Obama, Benjamin  Netanyahu, Lindsey Graham, and John McCain.

CIA anonymous leak releases top secret photo of Vladimir Putin with time machine prototype.

“This nefarious Russian conspiracy was designed to undermine my presidential campaign, and Putin has been caught red-handed as we know for a fact he owns a DeLorean like the one in Back to the Future.”

Anonymous CIA leak releases evidence of Putin traveling to 1869 to undermine Hillary’s presidential bid.

McCain “The Catcher” with Lindsey “The Pitcher” Graham behind him.

She was joined by political syphilis John McCain and Lindsey Graham in the accusation, who also allege Putin forced them to fellate a moose, meet in a gay bar to engage in some “felching and line dancing” and to discuss a way to distract people from their role in creating ISIS so they could topple Syrian President Assad and clear the way for oil and gas pipelines.

“I sent Hillary her nudies back. That’s how this all started. This was a diplomatic breach of protocol and frankly, she grossed me out, I’m sorry, she had hair on her toes, like Frodo the Hobbit. George Soros loves to suck on her hairy toes, Meryl Streep does too, but I sure as hell don’t.” Putin is alleged to have quipped.