Humor

Mac Summer, 39, admitted to co-workers today that his greatest dream was to someday be so famous that porn stars will only remember him as the most memorable fuck they ever had. “I don’t care if they say I’m hung like a gnat and cum in two seconds, the very fact they have to boost their ego by saying they boned me would be the ultimate compliment.” […]

Awful, awful man misleads viewers once again, and so does Adam Schiff. […]

STFU Ellen. Eating pussy never made anyone a hero, or I would be immortalized in marble, in every city. So what if I’m a man, you sexists! I’m still a hero if she is! Neither does dancing like an idiot make me a hero, which is my specialty. If they had a Dancing with the Stars That Are Not Stars That Dance Like Fucking Idiots, I would have a special. Fuck you and your shitty ass show and goofy dance. You have the moral authority of a masturbating chimp. Your biggest achievement will be that you’re remembered as the lady talk show host with the bad haircut prone to inducing grim visuals of you with a strap-on. Ew! […]

Out of respect for the POTUS the film, “I’m a Pretentious Hollywood Fuck Who Thinks My Movies Are a White House Priority and National Treasure” will not be screened at Tom Hanks’ home. […]

Joy Behar, 75, of The View. Not cool, man. […]

Sexy! [UPDATE: It has been alleged that this is Chris Hayes, not Rachel Maddow. Wrong! We stand by our assertion that is indeed Maddow because Maddow looks like Buddy Holly.]

[…]

Frederica Wilson is an “empty barrel” according to Gen. John Kelly, but I beg to differ. Shit has mass. […]

Breaking: The Green Bay Packers invited fans to join them in interlocking their arms during the national anthem as a show of solidarity with the football team, and Broadway. Already gearing up for a potential Superbowl half-time performance, the Packers were not concerned about audience disapproval, it seems, and have been training with the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes in NYC. […]

It’s interesting to see Carl Reiner and Morgan Freeman essentially declare war on 63 million Americans who voted for Trump, which they need to convince before they can actually wage war against a thermonuclear power like Russia. By the way, Russia has more nukes, and modern ones now than we do. Their argument was that Trump and Bernie Sanders supporters were brainwashed by Putin’s Russian ads and social media bots to do something as un-American and unhinged as exercising their free will. It is really astounding that they can’t see how viscerally offensive that allegation is on its face. […]

He sucks, in other words. Taking a knee is an attack on unity. That’s what anthems are supposed to do: celebrate the unity of a people. The insidious aspect to virtue-signalling is best explained in how children whom are constantly being told they are bad, defective, inadequate, unlovable take that with them for the rest of their lives. Now this narrative, taken on a national scale, teaches children we should be ashamed of the anthem that brings this nation together because the author, Francis Scott Key, was a flawed man. […]

In her new memoir What Happened, Hillary Clinton writes that “I was tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins.” However, while making the rounds and finding herself more unpopular among Democrats and progressives in her Blame Everyone Tour, she has decided to use the proceeds from the Clinton Foundation to redeem herself, and plans to reboot the Haitian economy. She has ordered 63 million voodoo dolls custom made for each individual Trump voter. […]

The United Nations Security Council has introduced a new means to ensure, at long last, world peace. “They are like UN non-binding resolutions, only more bad ass. No self-respecting nation wants to wake up to a depressing number of likes due to war crimes.” […]