Donald Trump is unfit for office. Needs to be removed.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) August 11, 2017
In breaking news, novelist Stephen King called for Trump’s removal today, and within minutes the Pentagon urgently convened for further instructions. Meeting with Russian counterparts, American generals made truce arrangements in preparation for civil war.
“The order came from the top,” said a solemn Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. “There is this grand misconception that we are bound by the people of the United States, or the Constitution of the United States, in terms of who we take orders from. We know who is in charge, however, and it is neither. It is actually the man who wrote Mr. Mercedes, My Pretty Pony ,Cujo, and Lawnmower Man, and he has spoken.”
Defense Secretary James Mattis also added “Look, we know that would mean civil war in a nation with tens of millions of armed Americans. This isn’t Europe, it’s in our Bill of Rights. 63 million Americans voted for Trump. Many, many American lives would be lost, in the millions. Russia or China could take sides with any potential rebellion in the left and divide the states forever, destroying the nation as we know it.
“Let me be frank about kinetic warfare. Our resources and wealth would be plundered, we would have Americans streaming out of their own country into Mexico and Canada as refugees. Electric grids would be destroyed, water mains would be destroyed, food would rot overnight and Americans would starve to death; they would experience a hell they cannot fathom. Hospitals would run out of basic supplies.
“Wealthy Americans can’t expect to simply fly out of here when things get sub-cosmopolitan. The first targets that get bombed are airports and bridges. That is the reality of war, but of all wars, the worst is civil war, where you do not have a uniformed enemy, you have no idea where the enemy is because both sides may live under the same roof.
“We know that the impulse for civil war is innately evil and that it cannot originate from people who actually have to live here in America and love this country, because it means the potential death and certain destruction of the nation. The impulse for civil war goes beyond ignorance, it looms into the shadows of malice and hatred for your fellow citizens, your neighbors. It is inhuman.”
At this moment Gen. Mattis, glanced at the war plans, and a tear fell down his cheek as the weight of their decision began to crush the stoic Marine.
Gen. William Grimley noted that “This is how it all starts. An outside state player provokes civil unrest using divide and conquer tactics employed through, say, a progressive candidate they funded through dark money laundered in a multi-billion dollar charity foundation. Opportunistic multinational players use their assets in the mainstream media to instill hate and distrust in the people, creating color revolutions. They create what are at first peaceful rallies, then plant violent agitators and killers in them to force martial law. Then it’s war.
“When Kennedy was killed, the whole point of the lone gunman narrative peddled by the establishment was to prevent civil war, which Johnson admitted was an actual concern. If Americans knew their President had been gunned down in the street by the order of a handful of oligarchs that’s exactly what would have happened. That was a hard coup, this is a soft coup but both often result in civil war. This sort of coup, actually pushed for by the media, cannot be hidden. It’s instigators are not an invisible hand, they are flagrant and arrogant enough to call for a violent overthrow on national television. It’s not like they wouldn’t be the first to feel war on a very personal level, it’s not Dallas, 1963.
“It’s a horrible decision to make, and Stephen King wants either a hard coup or a soft one to topple a president he doesn’t like. He must have good reason. Per his prior tweets, we spent a lot of the meeting reviewing King’s most important literature for further wisdom and erudition, as the Constitution mandates. Indeed, this is the man who wrote Carrie and Pet Cemetery. So if Stephen King says we need to remove President Trump, what choice do we have? We follow orders. We have to act.”
Stephen King also has his very powerful Netflix star Chelsea Handler, who is calling for a military coup, and she has been heard. That doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, though. Here, the 9/11 “tourist guy” presaging disaster makes another cameo several feet behind her. Spooky!
At press time, plans were underway to send Stephen King a cargo plane of Kleenex and hand lotion so he can masturbate to some more war porn, and hopefully shut the fuck up about overthrowing a democratically elected president.
George Soros, who literally was a Nazi in WWII and confiscated Jewish property, was karmically punished by having his ball sacks sewn under his eyes in a botched circumcision. He was instrumental in overthrowing the Ukrainian government and their civil war and tens of thousands of deaths. He is not a very nice person.
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— NavyJack (@USNJack) August 13, 2017