Cyrus the Stray
Acid Attacker Reluctantly Spares Kathy Griffin, Worried it Would Only Improve Her Appearance
Abdul Smegma, a notorious London acid attacker wanted for permanently disfiguring the faces of at least twenty women, announced in a Skype video today that despite Kathy Griffin’s innately offensive nature and blasphemous imbecility, he would not splash acid on her face because “it’s just so damned hideous that burning the fugly off her mug would be an improvement, thus defeating the purpose of such an attack.” […]