Hilldo Strap On Ready to Tear US Voters a New Asshole

Not Just the Lady Friends Anymore!

Ready to strap on her new Hilldo™ andtear a new asshole into American dreams of a credible challenge to establishment corruption; Hillary arrives in town to answer, doggy style, any impudent calls for a meritocracy. With palpable excitement, she cheers the arrival of her latest strap on model, The Hilldo™ Bushlover 666 , after weeks of delay. Other upcoming variations include the larger Amy Poler and the Humadork 69. (Incidentally, dork is an informal reference for a whale penis.)

“With the newer models I can now drive house to house and make my case personally, giving them an offer that they can’t refuse,” Hillary said excitedly. “We’re going to use the head of my 2008 presidential run to rig the election by appointing her the DNC chair. She will control the number of debates and hobble anyone running against me. Google’s Eric Schmidt will game the internet with an algorithm that makes any search inquiry pop up pro-Hilary stories. The corporate media, all monopolized assets, will portray me as inevitable and try to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I will run as anti-establishment while being the establishment favorite.”

The celebration has started early. In the first video, we hear a talented white rapper that gives Eminem a run for his money.

“We need a cleaning in that White House, and we need a woman to clean it up. And that woman is Hillary Rodham Clinton!”

We don’t need no bling,
all we gotta do is sing!
Hillary in the house!
Hillary in the White House!

We don’t need no bling,
we got the real thing!
Hillary in the house
Hillary in the White House!

Let’s get loud
let’s get real
tell me how you really feel
Hillary in the house
Hillary in the White House!

In the second video, we see how Hillary’s band was robbed of singing in Super Bowl Half-Time Show. That honor went to less worthy others, but Hillary’s band deserves as wide an audience as possible. Beyonce, Adele, Lady Gaga and all you other comparatively puny musical chumps; behold Team Hillary’s band, Canklelicious, and weep for your life in their shadow.

In the third video, a typical youth reaction in the growing Canklemania phenomenon that has already ensured eternal tribute bands. By the surprise on his face, it is clear that this guy simply can’t believe how awesome they are, and is therefore reduced to nervous hysterical laughter.