Gratuitous Impiety

Based on the hoax heard ’round the world, i.e., the fake attack on Ashley Todd by an alleged 6’4″ black Obama supporter which was perpetrated by Todd herself. That’s right, go as the Mutilated Crazy McCain Girl with our high quality temporary tattoos! Tattoos guaranteed to affix backwards in a realistic likeness to make it obvious the mutilation was done in front of a mirror, and that you’re a complete moron. […]

If you’re sick of seeing product placement in movies and television, you’re about to get sicker. Now you’ll have a mental association of a brand based on a film title alone. You wont have to see a film to visualize a product. Don’t believe it? Behold… […]

“The practice of Involuntary Brain-Wave Cessation (IBWC) interrogation techniques includes but is not limited to water boarding, beatings, drowning, hanging, shooting the interrogee point blank in the face, dismemberment, throwing the interrogated off tall buildings or aircraft, and running him over repeatedly with a tank. The intelligence gathered postmortem may save American lives; provided the torture can continue after the prisoner is deceased and there is a medium to relay the confession. It is therefore our opinion that the jury is still out on the interrogation efficacy of IBWC.” […]

Like every book before it, the book is another tiresome rant about liberals. In fact, if you took out the word liberal it would be a flyer. […]

Oh Maureen, Maureen! I thought I knew you! Gone now, are your glory days when you were the answer to my most pressing exigencies; when on a wall by my bed, affixed to a glass box containing a towel, hand lotion and your cherished daguerreotype nudie, you were the answer to every midnight crisis, and every 3:00 a.m. call. Gone now, are the days when every time I pass by a fire hose encasement I stop in my tracks and remember our secret covenant: “In Case of Emergency Break Glass”. I would remember your coy little monochrome grin, your inviting, ample bosom, your freakishly enormous pudenda, beckoning me behind a similarly marked glass. How many times did I shatter that glass with a mighty swing of my love sausage? I can’t count that high. […]

On “Ghosts/Aliens”: “THE BEST BOOK OF ALL TIME! (EVEN BETTER THAN THE BIBLE!).” So writes one soldier from Baghdad, Iraq in his customer review. Although I wouldn’t go so far, it got me thinking. With all the death and horrors of war around me, if I were in his place, it would take a freakishly exceptional writer to keep me in stitches. And if any book could do it, it would be this one. In a new feature we’ll call The Literary Bucket List, we’ll review books you should read before you die, particularly if your death is imminent and you want to die laughing, informed, happy, comforted, or all of the above. The first book to fall under this heading is… […]

From the internet grab bag: Men who dump their girlfriends for supporting Hillary Clinton– or worse– looking like her. […]

Let’s get sexy… […]

“Like you and many Americans, I have cankles- unsightly calves that go straight into my ankles…Yet, you are proof that a woman horribly afflicted with cankles can be sexy even outside the fetish fringes. What is your secret? Are you some mysterious enchantress? What spell have you cast on us? and what is your national plan to combat the growing threat of cankles in America?” […]

If you judge these two candidates by the supporters they gather, only one avoided embarrassment. […]

To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, the most honest part of a newspaper is its advertisements. He also said “I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.” And who can blame him, if Rupert Murdoch, the owner of FOX News, was printing his first pro-Tory tabloid rags way back in 1776. Don’t laugh. Look at the ancient bastard. […]

His girlfriend bones his boss. And he gets the ultimate (non-violent) revenge. […]

Use Of ‘N-Word’ May End Porn Star’s Career […]

Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military. […]