More Talking Points to Sound Like a Complete Fucking Idiot, Courtesy The View’s Respected Political Scientists

 

[pullquote]Meanwhile, scientists and global leaders carefully transcribe their words for every morsel of wisdom to guide the very survival and well-being of this planet.[/pullquote]Joy Behar, an internationally respected political scientist and intellectual powerhouse, made another compelling observation sure to heal a divided nation. The “Daytime Noam Chomsky” and “Plato of Punditry” whose wisdom is heeded by leaders far and wide, whose searing and trenchant insight is studied word for word with every episode in universities from MIT to Oxford, also noted that her vagina doesn’t appreciate gender appropriation and neither should yours.

“This is a man who grabs land” Behar said with gravitas as she discussed President Trump’s review of national monuments, immediately awed by the searing insight of her super-human observation.

“And by the way, my vagina is whatever I say I want it to be. I call it a fire truck because my vagina is a fire truck. It’s time people start respecting real science.”

Behar is one of several gifted geniuses on a panel of experts who can, believe it or not, extrapolate on geopolitical and macroeconomic problems of great complexity simply by reciting headlines from newspapers and news services and then talking about them like learned professors. This is all the more miraculous because none has an above average IQ nor demonstrated an ability to use critical thinking. Moreover, they consistently equate a published headline with fact, are unconcerned with the veracity of their suppositions as they engage in the deductive process, and are, collectively, about 1,000 years old.

The show, which started as a televised, cute little tea party with a panel consisting of a stuffed bear, a barbie doll, and Ken doll, has grown in popularity. This Council of Uninformed Neurotic Tele-Skanks, or CUNTS, is notoriously infatuated with their own intellect and is now the most influential voice in politics.

The quasi-cerebral panel of bobbleheads often discusses issues they know nothing about and in a brilliant show of wit and sagacity participate in a televised intellectual masturbation frenzy, as they are aroused by the sound of their own voice, this until their echo chamber resonates with their own idiocy  and they climax, their heads exploding from holding all that knowledge.

Meanwhile, scientists and global leaders carefully transcribe their words for every morsel of wisdom to guide the very survival and well-being of this planet.

At press time, Behar woke up in a pool of her own vomit in a hotel bathroom, and realized the only thing she hated more than Donald Trump was her own life.