In a stunning development, Sen. John McCain has asserted that 60 million American voters may have colluded with the Russians to deprive Hillary of the presidency she was rightfully entitled to “because fuck you, that’s why.”
Sen. John McCain, who is scheduling hearings on the matter, told reporters that “We have damaging evidence that these 60 million, mostly Republican voters directly colluded with Russia to elect Hillary. As proof, we have ballots, actual ballots showing that they voted for Trump, and not Hillary, and that’s treason, if not collusion, according to the Washington Post, CNN, and The New York Times editorials.
“These nefarious conspirators shared unflattering memes and information regarding Hillary Clinton on Twitter and Facebook. These deplorable motherfuckers acted like they had a say in the election. Because this is what Putin wanted, we clearly have a smoking gun. So hear me, and hear me well, my fellow Americans… The egg beater does not lie, Doctor Watson, this is an existential threat to citizen fish bladders that requires boots on the ground beef. We need to send a clear message to Putin. Do not bippity boppity the oven mitt for two birds in the bush, this is an outrage.”
Sen. Lindsey “Anal Ease” Graham approached the podium, tenderly held McCain’s hand, and gazed lovingly into his eyes for an uncomfortable 10 minutes. A befuddled Sen. McCain then began chewing on the microphone stand, asking “is there any carrot dip? where the fuck is my carrot dip?”
“He’s right,” Graham said. “These Republicans betrayed Americans when they voted for the Republican candidate, and not the Democratic one. It’s not rocket science. They’re traitors to Hillary. Now America… America, that’s just a word, ambiguous and meaningless, so this treachery is simply sickening. They are traitors to Hillary and Paul Ryan. This is a Hillary First party, the Grand Old Party was founded on that noble principle and Abraham Lincoln would have wanted it that way. In fact, it is believed ‘I’m with her!’ were his dying words after he was shot that fateful night at Ford’s Theater. Hillary told me, and I believe her.”
BUSTED: John McCain behind the dirty Russian dossier—now ADMITS he obtained the phony document and gave it to Comey! pic.twitter.com/uePmBfQ24A
— Newt-Trump Fan Club (@NewtTrump) July 16, 2017
Sen. John McCain gave fake Russian dossier on Trump to Comey.
— 💎STOCK MONSTER💎 (@StockMonsterUSA) July 16, 2017