Fake News

BREAKING: Chris Cuomo is Fake News, and I Boned His Wife

Butt hurt Chris Cuomo claims that accusing a journo of using fake news is like using the “N word.” But who ever said he was a real reporter? This is the same fake news peddler that told his viewers that reading Wikileaks is illegal! To be fair, I did not really bone his wife, that’s fake news too. Beastiality is illegal in my state and PETA would never leave me alone. […]

Cloak and Dagger

Journalists Are Killed By the State, CNN Frauds in No Danger

“The German and American media tries to bring war to the people in Europe, to bring war to Russia. This is a point of no return, and I am going to stand up and say … it is not right what I have done in the past, to manipulate people, to make propaganda against Russia…because war is never coming from itself, there is always people who push for war, and this is not only politicians, it is journalists too. … We have betrayed our readers, just to push for war. …” Udo Ulfkotte. Other journalists that paid the ultimate price.: Andrew Breitbart died of a “heart attack” after suggesting John Podesta was involved in a pedophilia ring. Another whistleblower, Ted Gunderson of the FBI,  died of arsenic poisoning, as did Breitbart’s coroner. To quote the RT article: “Michael Cormier, 61, passed away on April 20, the Los Angeles Times reports this week. Although Cormier’s death is only being publicized now, the timing of actual passing actually came within hours of the release of the preliminary autopsy report of Breitbart.” But Breitbart had the last laugh, albeit posthumously, as his news site became a trusted and powerful influence in the 2016 election. His partner Steve Bannon would go on to be President Trump’s chief strategist. […]

Hillary Clinton

Guccifer’s Letter Claims Hillary a Satanic High Priestess

“He [L. Ron Hubbard] got hold of the book by Alistair Crowley called The Book of the Law. He was very interested in…the creation of what some people call the Moon Child. It was basically an attempt to create an immaculate conception– except by Satan rather than by God. Another important idea was the creation of what they call embryo implants –of getting a satanic or demonic spirit to inhabit the body of a fetus. This would come about as a result of black-magic rituals, which included the use of hypnosis, drugs, and other dangerous and destructive practices. One of the important things was to destroy the evidence if you failed at this immaculate conception. That’s how my father became obsessed with abortions.” […]

Hillary Clinton

The Clinton-Silsby Child Trafficking Scandal And How The Media Attempted To Cover It Up

Contrary to reports in the media, the crowd sourced investigation labeled by some as “Pizzagate” did not begin with internet sleuths digging through the Wikileaks Podesta Files releases looking for pizza parlors and encoded language discussing human trafficking. It began with the shocking discovery that Hillary and Bill Clinton provided assistance to convicted child trafficker, Laura Silsby, resulting in a reduced sentence for child trafficking. […]

Hillary Clinton

Profile in Courage: Local Man Talks Shit About Trump in Liberal Enclave

Dick Smegma, 26, took a courageous stand today by siding with the majority opinion in a deep blue state where everybody hates Trump.

“I’m no hero,” Smegma said humbly to a crowd of cheering Hillary supporters as they burned Trump in effigy. “But sometimes you have to be brave enough to dispense with the courage of your convictions, and side with whatever is popular with the crowd.”

At press time, Mr. Smega was last seen in a Trump rally talking all manner of shit about Clinton. […]

Hillary Clinton

Wikileaks: Mexican Drug Kingpin, El Chapo, Donated 15M to Clinton Foundation

The Times: Julian Assange launched an attack on the integrity of the Clinton Foundation with the latest intelligence report that says the organization had ties with Mexican drug cartel leader, Joaquín ‘El Chapo’ Guzmán.

Guzman, widely known as ‘El Chapo’, has an estimated net worth of $2 billion USD. He is currently incarcerated in a high-security Mexican prison and is in the process of being extradited to the United States. […]

Fake News

MI6 REPORT: ISIS and McCain Exchanged “Dirty Sanchez” for Fake Trump Dossier

A former MI6 official, who wishes to remain anonymous, alleges that Sen. John McCain is the person responsible for giving the FBI the discredited “Golden Showers” Trump dossier, which was covered in The Guardian. This “leak” was met with a flurry of new accusations of secret stings wherein British spooks note he exchanged a “dirty Sanchez” with BuzzFeed editor and lover Ben Smith. The slang refers to a most unwholesome sex act where a partner having anal sex removes his penis from the anus and smears his lover’s lip with feces and semen. […]

Independent Press

MTV’s “Dear White Guy” Taken to an Extreme in Chicago

Chicago police said Wednesday night that four teens are being held and questioned in connection with a Facebook Live video showing a group of people beating and cutting a special needs teen who appeared bound and gagged as they shouted “F— Donald Trump.”

Chicago Police Supt. Eddie Johnson called the video a “brutal act” that was “broadcast for the entire world to see.” As of January 9, 2017, all attackers are over 18, presently held without bail and charged with a hate crime. […]

Independent Press

CNN Fail: Suicide Prevention Counselors Urge Don “Fake News” Lemon to Kill Himself

“This is certainly not the way we were brought up, saying this to you, but we don’t think we are evil in saying it. We strongly suggest, say, eating a nice, caramelized bucket of broken glass, washed down with a refreshing, chilled glass of Prestone anti-freeze. We recommend cliff diving in Acapulco, with a practice run from a hotel roof. Shaving with a chainsaw was also suggested by our focus group, provided it was done in the dark, on a trampoline. An ear piercing with a jackhammer was another favored suggestion, and my personal one, as well.” […]