Thousands of Male Models Mass Suicide Over Rumors of Joy Reid Marriage, Assange on Suicide Watch

Yes, it's that bad. A warning sign on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Joy Reid eye still healing after heavy weight prize fight in Vegas.

Reid is being modest when she says has super powers. No, they are something more than that, when the gods themselves fear your irresistible charms.

Indeed, her supernatural beauty made the Greek god Adonis piss himself when he realized how vulnerable he was to her charms, and she is said to have the ability to make any man that looks at her fall madly in love. So yes, Reid does indeed have super powers which she tries to use for good, a reverse Medusa effect where men are immediately smitten forever and their hearts turn to stone for anyone but Reid.

According to Reid, as punishment for ensuring a Clinton loss in 2016, she got Julian Assange on suicide watch “after I got him to spurn celebrity babes like Pamela Anderson for false hopes of my sweet booty.”

How did she do it? She texted him that she was married, which Assange did not know, and “he was ruined instantly.”

Yes, it’s that bad. A warning sign on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Unfortunately, word spread fast, and there were unintended and catastrophic consequences. Over 20,000 male models, and a few hundred very attractive women, perished today in a mass suicide over this false rumor that drop-dead gorgeous, beauteous vixen MSNBC anchor Joy Reid was married. But she went further. She really felt it was time to “twist the knife and break Julian” and call him “gross.”

A broken Julian Assange upon learning Joy called him gross. “DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT ME! “

Assange, heavily sedated at press time and nursing a shattered spirit, said through tears “DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT ME! Can’t you see? She called me gross. Joy called me gross. How I can survive that? How can anyone? I’m, I’m a monster!”

He may have a point.

“That was all we were born for… to be hers. I mean, look at her. What a goddess. We all had our hopes up, all wanted to be good enough, worked out, wanted to be the one,” read one poignant suicide note floating in the waters under the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

However, the god-like beauty and charms always came with a price. It is so bad now that Reid had to take up boxing, and then turn pro to beat away her admirers and stalkers; for once smitten, they could never leave her alone.

“Pretty Boy Joy” Reid is now 46 and 0, with 10 KOs, according to Ring magazine.

“Pretty Boy Joy” may take on Mayweather.

That is what Joy Ann Reid says, and we believe her. We have very little in terms of confirmation, but Tim “Don’t Let Nobody Take Your Cornbread” Black has some prescient and biting insight on the matter. So does the equally commendable H.A. Goodman.


About Independent Press 509 Articles
Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

Be the first to comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.