Hillary’s Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss

Dr. Pepe Le Frogg announced today that Hillary’s alter personality has been identified as a Russian spy named Agent Govniuk, a self-destructive splinter of her personality that loves to sabotage her life. Govniuk is Russian for a very naughty word, incidentally. This incredibly self-destructive alter, when in control, made sure she ran while under a criminal FBI investigation. It made sure she rigged the primary and sabotaged Bernie Sanders’ campaign and lost his supporters when they found out. It was responsible for her calling half of Americans racist, deplorables, irredeemables, xenophobes, and sexists. Because “Agent Govniuk” blames everyone else for her mistakes, she cannot self-correct, so she continuously fails no matter how much she is assisted by political operatives and donors. […]

“People hate me!” […]

Giving a chilling new meaning as to why former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton was confronted and blamed for the New Zealand massacre whose toll has now risen to 50 dead and 50 wounded, is a grimly worded Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) report circulating in the Kremlin today confirming as true the leaked documents showing the European Union is planning for the military overthrow of British Prime Minister Theresa May—a measure that may be needed as British spy agency MI6 continues its war against President Donald Trump to keep him from releasing the classified documents proving the British government’s complicity in the coup attempt launched against him—a coup attempt led by Hillary Clinton—and whose 2016 presidential campaign chairman John Podesta traveled this past week to New Zealand to heap praise on its “superstar”  socialist leader Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern—and whom, also, in the hours before this massacre began, launched a withering attack against Trump saying he is “completely unfit and unqualified to be President of the United States”. […]