Congratulations! Sen. Ted Cruz Wins AIPAC “Golden Kneepads”

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End-timer Zionist and “Israel Firster” Sen. Ted Cruz accepts AIPAC Golden Kneepads Award, Lifetime Achievement.

In addition to this remarkable feat, the AIPAC “Golden Lips” swimsuit category also earned him a weekly pallet of free knee-pads for the rest of his miserable fucking life. Always room for Ted at the Bohemian Grove, as well.


 

Unfortunately, before he could celebrate that night he was rushed to emergency surgery for complications arising from infected rug burns and fellatio-related tonsil callouses obstructing his airway.

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shutterstock_cruz_copyAt press time, a vigil at a Felch Memorial Hospital has gathered, with quiet prayers “to baby Jesus that he kill him.”

Check out the ring. Explains everything. This guy is about as Christian as Richard Dawkins.

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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