CIA

Inspiring! $2,500 Service to Avoid Hillary Book Tour a Smash Hit

Let’s face it, she’s everywhere, but for only $2,500 you can spend several days in an isolation chamber away from Hillary Clinton during her book tour. An ingenious entrepreneur has created Cankles Away, a new service that guarantees you will avoid any news of, or audience with Hillary Clinton during her “What Happened” Blame Everybody book tour. Part of the fee pays for hotel accommodations, and the removal and jamming of all electronic devices to keep clients blissfully unaware of the cult media following the failed presidential candidate. […]

Independent Press

Inspiring! Trump’s Fiercest Enemies Offering Helpful Twitter Advice

Eschewing their natural instinct to kill a political rival, Trump’s enemies in the establishment GOP and the Democrats gathered together to offer President Trump warm, helpful advice on how to improve his messaging, so he can beat the shit out of them again with even more alacrity in the next cycle. “We love you Donald! We just want you to do well and make our country prosperous and work with us on health care and the economy! We know this Twitter thing is how you got elected and that it is a direct line to your base, a nervous system of the Trump machine that shatters the false reality constructs of so-called rational thinking spawned from General Semantics, the linguistic human engineering of groomed elites…. You know, the same the Rhodes Scholar media uses to manipulate Americans.” […]