Rush Limbaugh’s Erectile Dysfunction

Rush in his natural habitat, making fun of Michael J. Fox for having Parkinson’s Disease.
Rush in his natural habitat, making fun of Michael J. Fox for having Parkinson’s Disease.

Freakishly enormous, encephalitic head, tiny pecker. The definition of a freak show. Those of you who recall the midterm elections in 2006 might also remember that infamous moment when Rush Limbaugh accused Michael J. Fox, now in the late stages of Parkinson’s Disease, of faking his symptoms; particularly involuntary shaking, for partisan effect. But the fact of the matter is, there was only one person who was definitely faking, and it wasn’t Mr. Fox. However tiny, Limbaugh can actually get a hard-on from bashing the poor, misleading his audience, and inciting racial division just for the sake of seeing “whitey” get mad.

In his June 26, 2006, statement below, Rush explains why the illegal cache of Viagra he was nailed with was not in his name, given “the potential embarrassing nature” of Viagra.

Seen here in a picture laden with homo-erotic Freudian symbolism, i.e.; the prolonged and orgasmic sucking on an obvious phallic object like a large hot stogie, Rush’s latent tendencies may include anything but erectile dysfunction. Evidence suggests that he’s not terminally flaccid and impotent, just micro-endowed, and that the whole erectile dysfunction claim is a political ruse to garner sympathy from 10 to 14 million impotent fans.

It wasn’t too long ago that Rush was arrested at customs for carrying Viagra without a prescription. This was in Palm Beach International Airport, Florida, June 26th of 2006, and the incident made national headlines.

limbaugh-micropeckerAs most of you know, Viagra is a drug to treat erectile dysfunction. Men who had been impotent for many years suddenly found their sex lives had returned to them. As such, it is very easy to presume taking Viagra equates with being impotent.

But just because Rush was caught with an illegal cache of Viagra doesn’t mean he has a bum pecker. If we are to believe the few women who admit to sleeping with him, his legendary micro-pecker is easily confused for flaccid and impotent when fully erect. As it is lost in massive rolls of sweaty, doughy fat, this confusion is expected.

It must be tough being Rush. Obscured by a gut that’s half Cheetos and half bile, this man has never seen his own feet or penis, and consequently, his life has been one of profound confusion, self-doubt and rage.  Should he squat to pee or stand? If women lied to him about their love for him, maybe they also lied to him about seeing his penis… and maybe all women are evil. This would explain his contempt for women. But impotent? nah.

With his ejaculate dripping from a bedroom ceiling lined with posters of Karl Rove, discerning minds soon realize that Rush is faking erectile dysfunction for effect, much like the orgasms he fakes by spitting on Sean Hannity’s back…