Back in 2017 Nina “Squirrely” Burleigh, ever one with an eye for spotting the true perils of global or national consequence we’re facing today, wrote a rather sobering piece on the staggering geopolitical threat of FLOTUS Melania Trump bringing stiletto heels back into style. To wit:
Shaming women for the shoes they wear: keeping it classy, Newsweek?
This hiatus allows us to reflect on a minor Trumpian trend to which the nation has become accustomed since January: the ubiquitous stiletto pump. The vertiginous spike-heel shoe is not currently in fashion, but for Ivana, Ivanka, Melania and the Trump daughters-in-law, Carrie Bradshaw’s shoe of choice never went out of style. In fact, the female consorts of the Leader of the Free World do not set foot in public without first molding their arches into the supranatural curve that Mattel toy designers once devised for Barbie’s plastic feet.
Six months in, and the Trump women are well on their way to normalizing the footwear of the beauty pageant. The Cinderella shoe fitted on the feet of all the Miss Teen USA’s and Miss Universes who ever beamed under the Trumpian gaze in contests of yore also is the shoe that average women can bear for only a few hours at weddings or proms, before casting them off, moaning and rubbing their soles.
My critic hat.
Her pedantic writing didn’t get much better in 2018, and 2019 started badly also.
As of January 31st, 2019, a retracted Telegraph article by Nina Burleigh (another hit piece on Melania Trump) marked the second time in less than one year Burleigh’s pieces have been retracted. Before that, it was a piece about Russian bots taking down Sen.Al Frankin. Now Burleigh is suing The Telegraph for defamation because the paper apologized to Melania and its readers for Burleigh’s piece. So Nina, now that you know the sting of defamation, if indeed that is what the Telegraph did, perhaps you’ll ease up on the pointless dehumanization of the Trump family, for you may soon discover, in a most unpleasant manner, the liability of your past inaccuracies and falsehoods. If I may offer a humble suggestion, you may want to mark your pieces as “fiction” to avoid any future embarrassments.
Why Nina Burleigh’s Feet Hurt in Stiletto Heels
Nina Burleigh’s fucked up hairy feet. She says that “the female consorts of the Leader of the Free World do not set foot in public without first molding their arches into the supranatural curve that Mattel toy designers once devised for Barbie’s plastic feet” but not everyone looks good in stiletto heels. Nina, don’t take out your insecurities on FLOTUS.
That said, let me put on my critic’s hat, which is admittedly an unflattering dick hat, just to say that Nina, I get the fact you need to fill some space on the page to justify a Columbia journalism degree, but these are just two paragraphs out of your cry for help article and something stands out. Your penchant for dusty five dollar words are better suited for a game of Scrabble, not self-righteous digs at women prettier than you. Had you been playing that board game instead of embarrassing yourself with this ridiculous nonsense, as a virtue signaling “feminist” shaming women for the shoes they wear, you would have won big. You might even feel better about yourself and you’ll be comforted in knowing you put that trusty thesaurus to good use as a Scrabble champ, instead.
Don’t mess with Nina when it comes to Scrabble. She’s a bad ass, and she loves to show it off in her writing.
For example, your first paragraph alone: Vertiginous is 15 points, Well done, genius! Ubiquitous is 21 points! you’re on a roll! Damn, I wish you were my friend! Consorts is 10 points. Meh. And supranatural is 14 points!
So here, a Newsweek writer who attacks FLOTUS Melania Trump for for wearing heels is the same woman who thinks US women should line up to give Bill Clinton a blow job:
“I would be happy to give him a blowjob just to thank him for keeping abortion legal. I think American women should be lining up with their Presidential kneepads on to show their gratitude for keeping the theocracy off our backs.”
“In a 1998 essay for Mirabella, Burleigh described an occasion aboard Air Force One when she noticed President Bill Clinton apparently looking at her legs. The piece led to her being described as “the Ally McBeal of former White House reporters” by columnist Ellen Goodman. Approached by a Washington Post media reporter to discuss the Mirabella article, Burleigh stated, referring to the comment in a 2007 piece for The Huffington Post, Burleigh wrote, “I said it (back in 1998, but a good quote has eternal life) because I thought it was high time for someone to tweak the white, middle-aged beltway gang taking Clinton to task for sexual harassment. These men had neither the personal experience nor the credentials to know sexual harassment when they saw it, nor to give a good goddamn about it if they did. The insidious use of sexual harassment laws to bring down a president for his pro-female politics was the context in which I spoke.”
Wow. Isn’t that “insidious use of sexual harassment laws to bring down a president” what happened to President Trump during the campaign with a secretly recorded tape of him talking about grabbing women by the pussy? Only he didn’t have an intern blow him in the Oval Office, and jizz her dress and get impeached over it?
Monica’s Jizzed Dress. The trial drags on for several months, in which Lewinsky’s lawyers and Starr go back and forth on an immunity agreement for Lewinsky. Finally, in July 1998, Starr agrees to immunity for Lewinsky and her parents, and Lewinsky hands over a blue dress said to contain physical evidence of a sexual relationship with President Bill Clinton. The dress goes to the FBI forensics laboratory for testing.
Nina Burleigh is a writer who covers the political beat, of all things, but that article sounds like some garbage from Seventeen magazine. On the one hand, it’s anti-women and oppressive to wear high heels in 2017, but on the other, she argued that American women should line up to give Bill Clinton a blow job because they have abortion rights (they were there since 1973 actually) and for her, at least, abortion is something she loves so much she associates it with sexual arousal. But by American women, this includes everyone right? At last check, no House or Senate hearings were ever scheduled to investigate her sage advice that 150 million American women, consenting or non-consenting, should be lining up to fellate Bill Clinton. That said, Nina, will your mom be in front or behind you in line to polish his knob? As to whether her opinion that every American woman should be donning “Presidential kneepads” tweaked anything in the beltway remains to be seen.
Maybe she’s happy having her female kin in a queue to blow the old president along with her, but it doesn’t seem too appealing to me. Now, perhaps that was not her intention when she wrote that, maybe there was some hyperbole and she wanted a good quote that had “eternal life.” So it has lived, eternally, but it may come back to haunt her. I doubt she was serious about donning presidential knee-pads and giving Bill Clinton a blow job, to be honest. I don’t think she uses knee-pads at all.
The greater point here, however, is that the confirmation bias of this plebean* is so extreme she has created an entire conspiratorial narrative of Trump women oppressing and dismantling feminism based on the shoes they wear.
So, eh, Nina, if you have a problem with stiletto heels, take on a shoe company, you quintessentially disingenuous twat, otherwise you just sound kinda… petty.
By the way, “quintessentially” (25 points!) was added in honor of your Scrabble mastery. You can’t see me now, but I am bowing in front of my monitor out of sheer awe for you; and by bowing, I mean I’m bent over and howling in laughter because an aging Bill Clinton groupie is so brain damaged from spunk she hasn’t figured out that the more obscure, dusty-ass vocabulary artifacts you use in an article the less readers will finish any of the shit you write. People become annoyed when a key word to understanding a subject or sentence in your writing prevents the communicating of your idea. That is the whole point of writing, no?
In fact, I found myself flipping between a dictionary and your article, only to find the dictionary more interesting and wondering how I got there browsing under “V” in the first place. Perhaps it was your vertiginous, confusing writing style that made me want to puke? Or was it the ubiquitous anti-Trump hysteria you so personify it extends to attacks on his family? It doesn’t require courage to join a media mob, it requires courage to fight one.
Whatever your view on abortion may be, it shouldn’t spark sexual arousal if you know the debate involves a life is being terminated. That is just super creepy. Stay away from schoolyards lady, I don’t trust you.
Maybe she’s happy having her female kin in a queue to blow the old president along with her, but it doesn’t seem too appealing to me. Now, perhaps that was not her intention when she wrote that, maybe there was some hyperbole and she wanted a good quote that had “eternal life.” So it has lived, eternally, but it may come back to haunt her. I doubt she was serious about donning presidential knee-pads and giving Bill Clinton a blow job, to be honest. I don’t think she uses knee-pads at all.
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