The O.J. Simpson trial revisited. Here’s some little known facts regarding this case: when the prosecution’s star witness, Det. Mark Fuhrman, was asked by F. Lee Bailey whether or not he planted the infamous bloody glove at the crime scene, Fuhrman plead the fifth so as not to incriminate himself. Despite this, Judge Lance Ito forbade the jury from hearing this critical testimony. Two detectives admitted taking blood samples from the lab to the crime scene, with blood missing when those samples were returned. The “evidence” against Simpson had EDTA, a chemical preservative that keeps blood from clotting which is also found in the sample containers. When asked if they planted this DNA evidence, they plead the 5th too. Despite this, many in the media continue to malign the competency of the Simpson jury because they did not, clearly, bother to see the trial.
The Fuhrman Confession
FADE IN
EXT. BUS STOP—DAY
The camera tracks a white feather as it slowly descends upon
the barren, ebony scalp of O.J. Simpson prosecutor, Chris
Darden. He is munching on some Oreos. He's clad Forrest Gump
style. Sitting beside him is a woman attempting to read the
paper. Darden picks up the feather curiously as he adjusts
his granny glasses, and puts it in his briefcase. He then
combs his imaginary hair before a pocket mirror, and
continues to munch on his Oreos.
DARDEN
(leans over to offer a
cookie, with a lisp)
Ma'am, would you like an Oreo?
WOMAN
No thank you.
DARDEN
My momma says I'm just like an
Oreo. Black on the outside, white
on the inside. I never knew what
she meant.
WOMAN
I think she meant you're ashamed of
your African American heritage.
DARDEN
She's insane! My flaxen blonde hair
and blue eyes betray her denial!
WOMAN
What I would like though, is for
you to keep your skanky ass breath
away from me.
(She continues reading the
paper, trying to ignore
him.)
LAP DISSOLVE
TO:
EXT. SOUTHERN ESTATE—LATE AFTERNOON
Two parallel lanes of trees form a beautiful canopy of
foliage leading to a large white house, a former plantation.
A young Chris Darden is walking home from law school with
Marcia Clark. Darden is wearing orthopedic braces on his
legs, walking awkwardly. The town bully, a young Mark
Fuhrman, drives up in his old blue truck with a load of
friends. They start to chase Darden, and the passengers in
the back chuck rocks and garbage at him.
BULLY 1
Hey! It's that freshman retard from
law school. Don't let us catch ya
man!
FUHRMAN
I just lost my job at the March of
Dimes for teasin' your cry-baby
ass, and I reckon a cripple
whuppin' will just about rectify
this here injustice!
CUT TO-
CLARK
(terrified)
Run Chris! Run!
A frightened Darden runs with all his might, but is pitifully
hampered by his leg braces as the truck bears down on him.
Suddenly, in a newfound burst of energy, the braces fall off,
and he runs like a gazelle, miraculously outrunning the
truck. He looks back, the truck is stalling.
EXT. SKATING RINK
Outside a skating rink, a drunk French hockey player is about
to drive home as his friends vainly plead for him to
designate a driver. Moments later, Darden is run down by the
drunk hockey player's Zamboni as it hits speeds reaching up
to 5 miles per hour.
INT. SLEAZY BAR, THE GARCETTI INN-- NIGHT
Marcia Clark, sitting butt naked on a stool playing folk
guitar, entertains the rowdy guests as Darden walks in and is
aghast. His granny glasses steam. Never had Bob Dylan ever
been so bastardized. In the meantime Marcia is attempting to
pass off as a study in dignity and grace. Her legs are
crossed, she carefully shields her breasts with her guitar as
she plays…. terribly.
A SLOW PAN reveals a few celebrities in the audience: Barbara
Walters is moved to tears, throws her panties. A tipsy Andy
Rooney is on his knees before her, bowing in homage before
passing out on the floor.
MARCIA
(to Bob Dylan's "Blowin'
in the Wind")
How many times
must a man stab a heart before it ceases to beat? yes'm, how
many times must O.J. beat Nicole?. before she runs down the
street? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind the
answer is blowin' in the wind
Darden picks her up against her will; one hand over his eyes
to so as not to see her nakedness. He forces her into the
truck and drives away…before stopping at a bridge...
DARDEN
I'm takin' you home, Marcia! We've
got school tomorrow!
MARCIA
Let me out!
EXT. BRIDGE- NIGHT
Clark exits the vehicle totally enraged. He chases the
troubled naked freak and grabs her by the arms.
DARDEN
I'm taking you home Marcia! I can't
believe you forgot your clothes
again!
MARCIA
Let me go! I was just about to land
a contract with those Hard Crappy
producers, you damned fool! How
dare you embarrass me like that in
front of them?
DARDEN
But we have a case tomorrow!
MARCIA
Let me go or I swear I'll kill you!
DARDEN
You're already killing me! With
desire!
With an unquenchable longing whose
constant pangs are enough to make a
grown man cry…and circumcise
himself!
MARCIA
(pukes on his shirt)
L-Leave me alone, or I'll make sure
that disgusting foreskin corsage
you gave me is sent to the proper
authorities, and the media!
DARDEN
See? You kept it! Don't deny your
passion for me Never again shall a
Negro woman sully my lips! Once I
thought I was a black man, so
steeped in denial and white guilt
was I! But you, my sweet Hebrew
angel, you brought me to the light!
Kiss me you fool!
(Darden closes his eyes
and puckers his lips.
Marcia slams her fist
into his mouth.)
MARCIA
I told you I have a boyfriend!
Tammy Bruce!
DARDEN
(hurt)
So maybe it is true. Maybe you are
a slut! Maybe our tryst under Judge
Ito's desk was not your first time!
MARCIA
(blushes crimson and slaps
him)
How dare you impugn my integrity?
DARDEN
You're standing butt naked in the
middle of the street, Madonnastyle,
for all to see. Now my dog,
chickens, and my houseplants may
giggle when I call myself an
attorney, granted, but you'd bring
the house down when it comes to
denial.
Marcia is simmering. A high school bus full of football
players slams the brakes for a peek at Marcia's free vittles.
She leaves Darden and finds her ride home. O.S. helicopter
gunship
EXT. VIETNAM JUNGLE—DAY
It's 1967. Darden hops off a Huey to join his platoon in the
hot jungle brush, searching Charlie.
LT. DAN
Hey Darden, where's your helmet?
DARDEN
I threw it out, sir!
LT. DAN
You what?!
DARDEN
When I put it on again I realized
someone took a crap in it again,
sir! I think it was the Negroes,
sir!
LT. DAN
(incredulous)
You're the only black man in this
platoon ya moron! And you want to
be an attorney?
DARDEN
But that's what Fuhrman said when
he gave my helmet back to me
LT. DAN
When was that?
DARDEN
Right after he asked me for a roll
of toilet paper.
LT. DAN
Hey Fuhrman! Who crapped in the
"special" kid's helmet? You did
didn't you?
Private Fuhrman is nearby, roasting marshmallows on a ten
foot burning cross. He approaches them nervously and salutes.
On his helmet he has scrawled white power and a swastika.
FUHRMAN
I must plead the fifth, sir! I
refuse to answer on the grounds I
may incriminate myself!
LT. DAN
Since you could have denied it,
I'll take that as a yes. Just for
that, I'm confiscating your Nazi
polka record collection! Dismissed!
And eh, by the way…gimmie your
lunchbox.
FUHRMAN
No, please, not that…
LT. DAN
Gimmie. Now.
Fuhrman reluctantly fetches his "Hungry Hitler" lunchbox. LT.
DAN proceeds to chuck it on the ground and urinate on it.
FUHRMAN
That was an heirloom from my
grandpa in the SS! How could you?
LT. DAN
How does it feel? Not to good, does
it? Now let that be a lesson to
you!
Fuhrman is devastated, and forces back the tears, lips
quivering.
DARDEN
(indignantly)
But it was the Negroes sir! Private
Fuhrman told me that a white man
would never crap in my helmet, and
I believe him!
LT. DAN
Shut up, Darden, because I find
myself hungry for a moral and
justifiable excuse to slap the shit
out of a retarded man right
now….and I think this is it!
DARDEN
Yes sir.
LT. DAN
Now put some camouflage on that
shiny ass scalp of yours! That
infernal glare will give us away to
the enemy, ya hear me?
EXT. JUNGLE
A Viet Cong spotter sees a bald scalp shining through the
thick jungle brush like a beacon. Immediately, Darden's
platoon is fired upon. A mortar round hits Lt. Dan and blows
off his legs. The radio man beside him is blown to bits.
Darden rushes to Lt. Dan.
DARDEN
I'll save you!
LT. DAN
Get away from me you freak, because
if I live I'm gonna court-martial
your stupid ass! This is all your
fault! Do you know how many men
you've cost me? May you and your
brand new scalp buffer burn in
hell, my friend, burn in hell!!!
DARDEN
It's okay! You're gonna be alright!
I'll save you!
LT. DAN
(fighting Darden as he
struggles to lift him)
My legs! Oh my legs! Son of a
bitch! My dreams…gone now! All
gone! Now I'll never get to kick
you in the face before this war is
over!
Darden picks up Lt. Dan and runs to safety.
FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN
TITLE CARD: MANY YEARS LATER....
L.A. CRIMINAL COURTS BLDG.-- DAY
INT. ITO'S COURTROOM
Marcia Clark walks up to the podium with the Sunday comics.
She prepares a cartoon to argue her next motion.
CLARK
I understand it's unusual for an
attorney to bring a newspaper to
court, but sometimes even a cartoon
can be edifying.
ITO
And this cartoon will support your
motion to allow for the viewing of
the autopsy photos again?
CLARK
(earnestly)
Indeed it will. Don't let
appearances deceive you. Lizard
Man is regarded by authorities as
highly cerebral material.
ITO
Please present a copy of the
cartoon in question to the defense.
Proceed.
She gives the defense a copy, then puts the cartoon on a
projector as she follows the cartoon frame by frame. (O.S.
cue Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings")
CLARK
In the first frame, a little boy is
watching the Simpson trial and
wondering what the forbidden "N"
word is. Finally he asks Lizard
Man what it is and he says
"Nicole".
(with an overt tug at the
heart strings, she bursts
into crocodile tears; her
inanities underscored by
her arms flailing and
sweeping into air)
ITO
That cartoon is wearing thin.
First it was with the Fuhrman
tapes. Now what does this Lizard
Man cartoon have to do with the
autopsy photos?
CLARK
It puts the trial in perspective on
a human level.
CUT TO
In the front row of the courtroom, Marcia has placed a STRING
SECTION from an orchestra. LS: ITO flings his GAVEL at
CONDUCTOR'S head.
ITO
(to Marcia's string
section)
Will you shut up??!!!
(takes a deep breath)
Listen, Marcia, I don't want to see
you come in here with the funny
pages to argue your motions
anymore; especially when you swipe
them from my paper. Buy your own
paper.
COCHRAN
Yeah, Marcia—I can assure you that
your inane and transparent motions
are funny enough as they are.
CLARK
That's totally unfair! We hear all
this whining about the defendant's
right to a fair trial. But don't
the victims have rights? The
Goldmans have a right to swim in
Simpson's pool. They have a right
to take his estate even before
Simpson's guilt is determined.
Chris Darden reaches into his bag of tricks, get an onion,
splits it, and rushes over to Marcia with a yellow rubber
ducky. The prosecution lawyers huddle.
CLARK (CONT'D)
Your honor—could you give us a
minute? Chris is having trouble
assembling the tracks for his Hot
Wheels...
ITO
Is this going to take forever? You
know we have a jury waiting.
CLARK
It might.
ITO
Proceed.
DARDEN
(whispers into her ears,
takes the split onion and
rubs it under Marcia's
eyes)
Here—try the duck!
Gloria Allred says the duck always
works for her!
(Marcia grabs the duck,
still in its original
carton, and suddenly
bursts into tears.)
CLARK
I—I'm very sorry your honor! I'm
watching a dream shatter before my
very eyes...and though that dream
does not belong to me, I bleed from
every pore for the surviving
victims in question.
Marcia bursts into tears and clutching the duck, she wails
like a banshee, then writhes on the floor in agony. Then she
tears out her hair and rips her clothing, climaxed when she
walks over to a potted plant and symbolically throws soil
into her face...
CLARK (CONT'D)
Forgive me for this outburst, Your
Honor.
(regains some of her
composure)
But just look at the duck, Your
Honor! Still in its original
package. By now it should be in
O.J.'s swimming pool; in the loving
hands of Kim Goldman! But no. We
had to be sidetracked with this non
issue like the fact that O.J. is
innocent.
F. Lee Bailey immediately rises; enraged. In fact, the whole
defense table except Cochran does. They have a copy of the
same paper, and instead of "Nicole" it reads the forbidden
"N" word is "Neilsens".
COCHRAN
Objection! Move to strike that
comment! We have the same paper and
it reads differently. It's
supposed to read that the forbidden
"N" word is "Neilsens"! As in
Neilsen Ratings, which is basically
what this trial has boiled down
to….
ITO
Johnny, that's an insult to this
court and to our honorable, chaste,
and dignified friends at NBC,
"Dateline", and "Hard Copy".
(flashes toothy grin as he
looks into the camera)
Yes folks, check your local
listings!
COCHRAN
I object!
ITO
Ahem. I digress. Council, call your
first witness.
Marcia Clark prepares to question Mark Fuhrman on his
Klanmobile's "Jew Killer" license plate.
CU: We see exhibit 23- The KLANMOBILE is a white van with a
burning cross on the roof.
The witness takes the stand as prosecutor Marcia Clark
prepares to question him.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
FUHRMAN
Silly Negro, I am God. I am truth.
BAILIFF
(shaking head)
You may take the stand.
MARCIA
Good afternoon ladies and gentle of
the jury. Good afternoon Detective
Fuhrman.
(clears throat)
If you look on the monitor to your
immediate right, you will notice a
license plate on the rear of your
van that reads "Jew Killer." Does
this license plate belong to you,
or was it placed there, perhaps, by
some malicious advocate for the
defendant?
CUT TO—
Defense attorney Johnny Cochran rises angrily.
COCHRAN
I object, your honor!
ITO
Sustained. Ms. Clark, please
refrain from such prejudicial
speculation. Please answer the
question, Mr. Fuhrman.
FUHRMAN
Of course not. I wouldn't stick
that racist garbage on my car. Mine
just says "Aryan Power"
(suddenly grows pale,
loses composure)
I mean it says "SHALOM!" No, wait,
I don't even own a car, that's
right!
MARCIA
(perplexed)
Det. Furhman, are you okay? Is
something bothering you? Did
Johnny Cochran threaten to make you
his "deflowered Aryan bitch" again?
ITO
(impatiently)
Marcia….
MARCIA
Okay, sorry…strike that last
comment.
FUHRMAN
(nervous and pale, he
fidgets in his chair, and
drops his gaze)
It's the pressure. That bothers me.
And the lies. Look, I can't take
this anymore! Maybe I will tell
the truth!
MARCIA
You know you don't have to do that.
Just answer the questions
FUHRMAN
I know. But I want to tell the
truth. Now is the chance for me to
take a stand for the white race.
MARCIA
You can't be a racist. I'm a Jew,
Darden is black, and we're your
friends. We've always been
friends.
FUHRMAN
Oh shut up you yammering heeb.
You're both a couple of crooked-ass
posers, and I'd hate you even if
you were both Aryan.
MARCIA
As you can see, ladies and
gentleman of the jury, Detective
Fuhrman has a delightful sense of
humor-
FUHRMAN
First of all, I accept full
responsibility because it was my
idea. The others, like Lange and
Vanatter, they were dragged into
it. Well, invited rather.
(Fuhrman stands, points at
O.J. Simpson)
Judge Ito, you must free this man.
Whether or not he was responsible
in any way for the murders is no
longer the question here, we may
never know now…and that was the
objective. I planted the glove. I
framed him. The case was ruined
from the start.
(Fuhrman slumps back into
the witness chair)
MARCIA
Your honor, I move to strike…
ITO
On what grounds?
MARCIA
He's embarrassing me.
ITO
No shit. Proceed.
FUHRMAN
I planted the glove. I called
Tracie Savage from KNBC and told
her about the blood on the socks
beings Simpson's….a week before the
socks were even tested. I framed
that jigaboo out of sheer malice,
but I swear I'm not a racist!
A NETWORK EXECUTIVE shows her a chart with the lastest
Nielsen ratings. Seeing her Nielsen ratings are now in
jeopardy, MARCIA becomes desperate and quickly interrupts.
MARCIA
Your honor, I move to strike, the
witness clearly is delusional.
FUHRMAN
Oh, and I kicked his dog Kato too!!
COCHRAN
I object! The witness has just
perjured himself, exonerated
Simpson, and furthermore, admitted
to cruelty to animals! Your honor,
may I approach the bench?
ITO
Sustained. Yes, you may.
COCHRAN approaches FUHRMAN with some photographs handed to
him by F. LEE BAILEY. Cochran checks Fuhrman's shoes and
shoe size.
COCHRAN
He's not delusional! In fact, on
June 1995, a vet just happened to
photograph a jackboot imprint on
the dog's flank; imprints that
match those on Fuhrman's shoes this
very day! We submit that this
fully explains why Kato the dog now
walks with a permanent limp.
FUHRMAN
(reviewing pictures)
It's true. That steel toe imprint
is mine The M.F. initial's—mine. I
stamped them on that mutt with a
swift and well aimed kick. But not
all is lost, I think I know the
true killers.
MARCIA
And how do you know your
information is true? Where did you
find them?
FUHRMAN
I was sent the bloody knives, some
of Nicole's hair, and a business
card. Would you like to see them?
MARCIA
No, we wouldn't. We know who the
true killer is. It's Mr. Simpson,
wife-beating demonic beast in the
courtroom.
FUHRMAN
See, you're the one that's racist.
Simpson couldn't have done it. The
victims weren't speared or
cannibalized.
COCHRAN
I object! We deeply resent that
racist comment and the one before
it, but grudgingly appreciate its
impeachment value. Please ask
counsel to continue that line of
questioning.
ITO
Proceed.
FUHRMAN
Besides, there aren't any prints on
the knives. The real killers
videotaped the killing to document
the hit for their boss, and OJ
wasn't in it—he was on a plane by
then. There was at least three-
one was in charge of the
videotaping. And they could afford
to be sloppy because the hit was
approved by the LAPD…and later,
Garcetti.
MARCIA
Do you respect the respectable and
intelligent people of the jury to
believe that nonsense? Do you
think you can fool these noble and
selfless people of the jury?
The JURY FOREMAN is bored. He secretly grabs a pocket mirror
and aims it at Darden's shiny bald scalp to deflect the
bright camera lights. The foreman adjust the pocket mirror's
angle…
CUT TO-
And Marcia is immediately blinded. She squints and
stumbles; knocks over the court reporter.
She gets up, dusts herself, and points a bony, accusing
finger at a wall.
MARCIA (CONT'D)
(squints)
Look at the jury, Mr. Fuhrman.
Don't you know that angels walk
with them in counsel? Don't you
know that they, the honorable
ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
have nothing but contempt for
liars?
The FOREMAN nods grimly, and gives her the finger. Then he
furtively takes a rubber band, rolls up a tiny piece of
paper, flattens it and forms it into a projectile. When
MARCIA is close enough and facing DARDEN near the podium,
Darden stands up to hand her some documents, and the foreman
shoots her in the butt. Assuming Darden goosed her because
of his proximity, she slaps him.
MARCIA (CONT'D)
Fresh! How dare you!
(under her breath)
Not now!
DARDEN
What the hell are you talking
about?
FUHRMAN
But Marcia, did you guys see the
tape of the killers? I gave it you
this morning along with the bloody
knives and fingerprint samples from
the hit men, and I included their
Interpol files, confessions,
resumes, and home and work numbers.
SHAPIRO
(rises from the Defense
table)
Your honor, we were not presented
with any of that exculpatory
evidence! This is a gross
miscarriage of justice! In the
interests of common decency, please
drop the case right now and stop
this mockery of justice while we
still can! Fuhrman already
confessed!
XCU: Prosecutor CHERI LEWIS reaches into her briefcase and
pulls out some files marked "INTERPOL." Meanwhile, DARDEN
quietly sets up a paper shredder under their table and gets
to work on the confessions, files. He hums loudly to drown
out the shredder, unsuccessfully of course.
ITO
Well? What did you do with
evidence, Counsel?
MARCIA
Uhhh….I'm glad you asked. Yes,
Fuhrman did give us the
aforementioned tape, but there was
an unforeseen accident We sat down
to watch it…
ITO
(heaves a deep sigh)
This better be good. This just
better be good…
MARCIA
Actually, it was an accident very
similar to what happened to you.
We sat down to watch the tape and I
accidentally pressed the record
button., but I can assure you, your
honor, there was absolutely no
malice intended or wrought.
Marcia goes to retrieve the video.
PAN to Darden and Cheri at the prosecution table. He leans
over to Cheri and asks her a question as she cleans the blood
off the two knives.
DARDEN
(smoothly)
Hey Cheri, Marcia told me you can't
get over my new cologne. It's
called "Cruel Ambitions" for Men.
CHERI
(puts the knives and
cleaner down, and
bitterly points to the
hives and scratches on
her arms)
She's right. I can't get over the
allergic reaction its giving me. I
can't get rid of these damned
hives!
DARDEN
Is that's what's bothering you? I'm
here for you, pretty baby!
Marcia finds the video and approaches the bench. She returns
to the podium.
ITO
Counsel, this is a how-to home
video copy of "Mark Fuhrman's
Framing and Perjury for Idiots."
MARCIA
No it's not!
ITO
And it's overdue at Blockbuster
Video.
MARCIA.
Oh, wrong one. It's right here… (quickly retrieves another)
Marcia approaches the bench, hands Ito the other video. He
takes a brief recess in his chamber. Then walks out. Peeved.
ITO
Ms. Clark, please tell the court
how you managed to erase the tape
from beginning to end?
MARCIA
This happened to you with another
tape in question, your honor. It's
not like these things don't happen.
COCHRAN
I object! She erased the whole tape
without knowing it? With all due
respect your honor, this is
preposterous!
It was deliberate and malicious
destruction of exculpatory
evidence! You only erased a few
seconds of the audio tape wherein
Fuhrman bragged about setting up
suspects and planting weapons and
drugs on them! And you erased the
copy, not the master!
ITO
(mulls it over)
Sorry, Johnny. She's got me there.
A VCR can be pretty tricky
nowadays., with all them buttons on
them and stuff. My apologies,
Counsel. Proceed.
(O.S. A grinding, loud
rattle.)
The sound stuns the court. The
proceedings are halted.
Darden's portable paper shredder malfunctions because he
tried to shred the two bloody knives. Cheri slaps him upside
the head so hard she leaves a pale imprint of her hand.
CHERI
(seething)
You idiot! I said "I can't get rid
of these hives," not "knives"!!!
What did you think I meant?
DARDEN
(sheepishly)
What? You think I'm stupid?
ITO
Mr. Darden, what did I tell you
about beepers and paper shredders
in the courtroom?
CHERI
Your honor, Darden has a learning
disability… you'll have to…
ITO
Darden can speak for himself.
Theoretically. Now Chris, you've
been warned. Proceed.
MARCIA
Thank your honor. Mr. Fuhrman, do
you speak of your own free will and
confess to framing Simpson;
or were you blackmailed by Cochran,
Douglas, and Shapiro as they chased
you down an alleyway with chains
and bats when you refused to buy
their crack?
FUHRMAN
Of my own free will. I framed him.
I took some vials from the lab and
planted the glove, and the drop on
the back of the white bundy fence.
Yes, and even the socks. That why
there was no blood spatter.
MARCIA
And the footprints?
FUHRMAN
The photos you used of Simpson were
doctored with a matte insert. I'm
sure you know that.
If they weren't, you'd have given access to the original
negatives to the defense. You never did and will.
MARCIA
But that would make Simpson
innocent of this murder. And that
cannot be. The whole world knows
that. Everyone knows he's guilty. I
know that, you know that.
FUHRMAN
Don't you understand you simp? I
set him up! There was no evidence
linking Simpson directly to the
crime! If there was, my services
would never have asked for!
MARCIA
Move to strike as non-responsive,
your honor.
ITO
Sustained.
MARCIA
Mr. Fuhrman, are you on any
medication or street drugs right
now that are affecting your
cognitive abilities?
FUHRMAN
None, unless you count estrogen,
which is none of your damned
business anyways!
MARCIA
So what you're telling us is that
you didn't frame Simpson.
FUHRMAN
No, you ignorant sow! I'm telling
you I did! Can't you get through
your thick, self-infatuated heeb
skull?
MARCIA
I see. So let's say you're not
stark raving mad, and did frame
Simpson. Does that mean he's
innocent?
FUHRMAN
Legally, yes.
The lights in the courtroom suddenly flicker and dim. To the
amazement and terror of all, two ghosts appear in front of
the jury. It's RON and NICOLE. It's a gory scene, both are
hovering about a foot above the floor. Nicole is almost
decapitated, her head hangs to the side held only by a piece
of flesh. Ron is drenched in blood, his throat slit also.
Suddenly Nicole's eyes flicker and she begins to speak.
NICOLE
Don't you think I would remember
the men who did this to me? Please
don't let these repulsive
hypocrites imprison a man I once
loved so deeply simply to advance
their careers! Please!
RON
She's right. How do they propose to
honor us by imprisoning an innocent
man?
MARCIA
Objection! Your honor, the
testimony of spirit entities is not
allowed in California courtrooms.
NICOLE
Do you know how far we've come to
speak the truth? How dare you
commit this obscenity in our names?
ITO
I'm afraid she's right, Ms. Brown.
We can't accept your testimony
under California law. Bailiff,
please call an exorcist to escort
these sprits out.
MARCIA
Thank you, your honor. Besides,
how do we know you're the real Ron
and Nicole, and not some other
ghosts looking for attention? It
could happen?
RON
Ask us for details known only to
the police. Like who destroyed my
killer's fingerprints, and who
shredded his file?
MARCIA
Okay wise guy. When Fuhrman went
to plant the glove, what color
panties was he wearing?
FURMAN
Hey!
RON
Pink with Garfield in a Klan robe
on it. But what's the point in
telling you? Even our testimony is
worthless here.
COCHRAN
Your honor, the prosecution itself
just admitted Fuhrman planted the
glove! What more do you need?
ITO
A spine. Regardless, the question
was, eh, posed as a hypothetical.
Proceed.
NICOLE
Marcia Clark, you'll pay for this.
I will not rest until I insure you
pay dearly for convicting any
innocents in my name, this while
protecting killers you knew from
the beginning.
RON
Would you like to know the latest
victims? The Spooks and cops who
shot the people in the in LAPD
crime lab? Or is it a trifle self
incriminating?
NICOLE
Marcia, Chris, Garcetti… you at the
prosecution table, I promise you
this… where your bloodstained
cohorts go, you will follow.
Disgusted, Ron and Nicole disappear.
MARCIA
(smirks defiantly)
As you can see, ladies and
gentlemen of the jury, unlike me;
they're just here to confuse and
mislead the jury. Now the defense
has got the ghosts of Ron and
Nicole to believe their ridiculous
conspiracy theory! What's next?
UFOs at the murder scene? Or how
about their planting stories in the
media about racist cops in law
enforcement agencies like the ATF—
BAILEY
(rises from the defense
table)
Objection! That story was covered
before this trial began! Over 300
ATF agents were videotaped at a
Tennessee gathering; some
distributing "Nigger Hunting
Licenses" and t-shirts of Simpson
hanging from a noose!
FUHRMAN
You're making a big deal out of
nothing. The shirts shrink and
bleed when you wash 'em.
MARCIA
Just answer the questions, Mr.
Fuhrman. Now on your way home from
church last Sunday, when the Dream
Team chased you with guns and
bats...with ghetto blasters in hand
blaring misogynist Snoop Doggy Dogg
rap songs in tow….
FUHRMAN
What??
MARCIA
Did they blackmail you into
confessing?
ITO
That's it! Ms. Clark, what did I
tell you about personal attacks?
Don't leave this courtroom without
writing a check for $250! Make it
out to the Society for the
Appreciation of Gangsta Rap!
MARCIA
(seething at the sanction,
she is barely able to
continue)
So, Mr. Fuhrman, you were telling
us you didn't frame Simpson.
FUHRMAN
Judge Ito, can you translate "I
framed Simpson" into words this
self-deluded, vainglorious butt
fungus can understand?
ITO
I could, but how many times should
I stomp my foot on the ground?
MARCIA
Your honor, I think the jury has
seen enough today to know we seek
the truth, and come with noble
heart and intentions. No further
questions.
ITO
Good. Bailiff, arrest this
repulsive disgrace to law
enforcement..
The bailiff unclips his holster, grabs his handcuffs and
heads to Fuhrman…
ITO (CONT'D)
No, not Fuhrman. I mean Ms. Clark.
Fuhrman I need to talk to. Mr.
Simpson, you're a free man on this
annoying technicality we call
justice.
(slams the gavel down)
Case dismissed!
Meanwhile, Judge Ito grimly walks up before a mounted camera
and addresses the audience.
ITO (CONT. (CONT'D)
Ladies and gentlemen, I realize
this may be the last televised
murder trial in California. The
medium has been terribly abused by
those we relied upon for
objectivity. Mere words cannot
express my disappointment with the
dehumanizing inclinations of the
media…thus I must appeal to the
last form of expression available
to me…to any of us….Interpretive
Dance!
Ito whips out a tape recorder and top hat from under his
robe, slips in a cassette and starts dancing the Robot. He
steals the show away from the victorious defense.
MARCIA
(as the bailiff drags her
away)
Fools! He's guilty, I tell you!
Guilty! I I saw him do it, yeah!
That's it! I saw him do it! He
told me he did it!
DOLLY OUT: Suddenly the song segues into Sir Mix-a-Lot's
"Baby Got Back." A spotlight falls on the judge. Ito tears
off his robe to expose his gangsta rapper gold chains and
jogging suit, and, suddenly accompanied by dancers, he breaks
into a karaoke version of the rap classic….
ITO
"I like big butts and I cannot lie…
you other brothers can't deny… that
when a girl walks in with an itty
bitty waist and a round thing in
your face you get sprung…
and wanna pull up stuff cause you notice that butt was
stuffed… deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I
can't stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get with ya, and take
your picture my homeboys tried to warn me
but that butt you got makin' me so
horny…."
FADE IN EXT. BUS STOP—DAY The camera tracks a white feather as it slowly descends upon the barren, ebony scalp of O.J. Simpson prosecutor, Chris Darden. He is munching on some Oreos. He's clad Forrest Gump style. Sitting beside him is a woman attempting to read the paper. Darden picks up the feather curiously as he adjusts his granny glasses, and puts it in his briefcase. He then combs his imaginary hair before a pocket mirror, and continues to munch on his Oreos. DARDEN (leans over to offer a cookie, with a lisp) Ma'am, would you like an Oreo? WOMAN No thank you. DARDEN My momma says I'm just like an Oreo. Black on the outside, white on the inside. I never knew what she meant. WOMAN I think she meant you're ashamed of your African American heritage. DARDEN She's insane! My flaxen blonde hair and blue eyes betray her denial! WOMAN What I would like though, is for you to keep your skanky ass breath away from me. (She continues reading the paper, trying to ignore him.) LAP DISSOLVE TO: EXT. SOUTHERN ESTATE—LATE AFTERNOON Two parallel lanes of trees form a beautiful canopy of foliage leading to a large white house, a former plantation. A young Chris Darden is walking home from law school with Marcia Clark. Darden is wearing orthopedic braces on his legs, walking awkwardly. The town bully, a young Mark Fuhrman, drives up in his old blue truck with a load of friends. They start to chase Darden, and the passengers in the back chuck rocks and garbage at him. BULLY 1 Hey! It's that freshman retard from law school. Don't let us catch ya man! FUHRMAN I just lost my job at the March of Dimes for teasin' your cry-baby ass, and I reckon a cripple whuppin' will just about rectify this here injustice! CUT TO- CLARK
(terrified) Run Chris! Run! A frightened Darden runs with all his might, but is pitifully hampered by his leg braces as the truck bears down on him. Suddenly, in a newfound burst of energy, the braces fall off, and he runs like a gazelle, miraculously outrunning the truck. He looks back, the truck is stalling. EXT. SKATING RINK Outside a skating rink, a drunk French hockey player is about to drive home as his friends vainly plead for him to designate a driver. Moments later, Darden is run down by the drunk hockey player's Zamboni as it hits speeds reaching up to 5 miles per hour. INT. SLEAZY BAR, THE GARCETTI INN-- NIGHT
Marcia Clark, sitting butt naked on a stool playing folk guitar, entertains the rowdy guests as Darden walks in and is aghast. His granny glasses steam. Never had Bob Dylan ever been so bastardized. In the meantime Marcia is attempting to pass off as a study in dignity and grace. Her legs are crossed, she carefully shields her breasts with her guitar as she plays…. terribly. A SLOW PAN reveals a few celebrities in the audience: Barbara Walters is moved to tears, throws her panties. A tipsy Andy Rooney is on his knees before her, bowing in homage before passing out on the floor. MARCIA (to Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind") How many times must a man stab a heart before it ceases to beat? yes'm, how many times must O.J. beat Nicole?. before she runs down the street? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind the answer is blowin' in the wind Darden picks her up against her will; one hand over his eyes
to so as not to see her nakedness. He forces her into the truck and drives away…before stopping at a bridge... DARDEN I'm takin' you home, Marcia! We've got school tomorrow! MARCIA Let me out! EXT. BRIDGE- NIGHT Clark exits the vehicle totally enraged. He chases the troubled naked freak and grabs her by the arms. DARDEN I'm taking you home Marcia! I can't believe you forgot your clothes again! MARCIA Let me go! I was just about to land a contract with those Hard Crappy producers, you damned fool! How dare you embarrass me like that in front of them? DARDEN But we have a case tomorrow! MARCIA Let me go or I swear I'll kill you! DARDEN You're already killing me! With desire! With an unquenchable longing whose constant pangs are enough to make a grown man cry…and circumcise himself! MARCIA (pukes on his shirt) L-Leave me alone, or I'll make sure that disgusting foreskin corsage you gave me is sent to the proper authorities, and the media! DARDEN See? You kept it! Don't deny your passion for me Never again shall a Negro woman sully my lips! Once I thought I was a black man, so steeped in denial and white guilt was I! But you, my sweet Hebrew angel, you brought me to the light! Kiss me you fool! (Darden closes his eyes and puckers his lips. Marcia slams her fist into his mouth.) MARCIA I told you I have a boyfriend! Tammy Bruce! DARDEN (hurt) So maybe it is true. Maybe you are a slut! Maybe our tryst under Judge Ito's desk was not your first time! MARCIA (blushes crimson and slaps him) How dare you impugn my integrity? DARDEN You're standing butt naked in the middle of the street, Madonnastyle, for all to see. Now my dog, chickens, and my houseplants may giggle when I call myself an attorney, granted, but you'd bring the house down when it comes to denial. Marcia is simmering. A high school bus full of football players slams the brakes for a peek at Marcia's free vittles. She leaves Darden and finds her ride home. O.S. helicopter gunship EXT. VIETNAM JUNGLE—DAY
It's 1967. Darden hops off a Huey to join his platoon in the hot jungle brush, searching Charlie. LT. DAN Hey Darden, where's your helmet? DARDEN I threw it out, sir! LT. DAN You what?! DARDEN When I put it on again I realized someone took a crap in it again, sir! I think it was the Negroes, sir! LT. DAN (incredulous) You're the only black man in this platoon ya moron! And you want to be an attorney? DARDEN But that's what Fuhrman said when he gave my helmet back to me LT. DAN When was that? DARDEN Right after he asked me for a roll of toilet paper. LT. DAN Hey Fuhrman! Who crapped in the "special" kid's helmet? You did didn't you? Private Fuhrman is nearby, roasting marshmallows on a ten foot burning cross. He approaches them nervously and salutes. On his helmet he has scrawled white power and a swastika. FUHRMAN I must plead the fifth, sir! I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself! LT. DAN Since you could have denied it, I'll take that as a yes. Just for that, I'm confiscating your Nazi polka record collection! Dismissed! And eh, by the way…gimmie your lunchbox. FUHRMAN No, please, not that… LT. DAN Gimmie. Now. Fuhrman reluctantly fetches his "Hungry Hitler" lunchbox. LT. DAN proceeds to chuck it on the ground and urinate on it. FUHRMAN That was an heirloom from my grandpa in the SS! How could you? LT. DAN How does it feel? Not to good, does it? Now let that be a lesson to you! Fuhrman is devastated, and forces back the tears, lips quivering. DARDEN (indignantly) But it was the Negroes sir! Private Fuhrman told me that a white man would never crap in my helmet, and I believe him! LT. DAN Shut up, Darden, because I find myself hungry for a moral and justifiable excuse to slap the shit out of a retarded man right now….and I think this is it! DARDEN Yes sir. LT. DAN Now put some camouflage on that shiny ass scalp of yours! That infernal glare will give us away to the enemy, ya hear me? EXT. JUNGLE A Viet Cong spotter sees a bald scalp shining through the thick jungle brush like a beacon. Immediately, Darden's platoon is fired upon. A mortar round hits Lt. Dan and blows off his legs. The radio man beside him is blown to bits. Darden rushes to Lt. Dan. DARDEN I'll save you! LT. DAN Get away from me you freak, because if I live I'm gonna court-martial your stupid ass! This is all your fault! Do you know how many men you've cost me? May you and your brand new scalp buffer burn in hell, my friend, burn in hell!!! DARDEN It's okay! You're gonna be alright! I'll save you! LT. DAN (fighting Darden as he struggles to lift him) My legs! Oh my legs! Son of a bitch! My dreams…gone now! All gone! Now I'll never get to kick you in the face before this war is over! Darden picks up Lt. Dan and runs to safety. FADE TO BLACK FADE IN TITLE CARD: MANY YEARS LATER.... L.A. CRIMINAL COURTS BLDG.-- DAY INT. ITO'S COURTROOM Marcia Clark walks up to the podium with the Sunday comics. She prepares a cartoon to argue her next motion. CLARK I understand it's unusual for an attorney to bring a newspaper to court, but sometimes even a cartoon can be edifying. ITO And this cartoon will support your motion to allow for the viewing of the autopsy photos again? CLARK (earnestly) Indeed it will. Don't let appearances deceive you. Lizard Man is regarded by authorities as highly cerebral material. ITO Please present a copy of the cartoon in question to the defense. Proceed. She gives the defense a copy, then puts the cartoon on a projector as she follows the cartoon frame by frame. (O.S. cue Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings") CLARK In the first frame, a little boy is watching the Simpson trial and wondering what the forbidden "N" word is. Finally he asks Lizard Man what it is and he says "Nicole". (with an overt tug at the heart strings, she bursts into crocodile tears; her inanities underscored by her arms flailing and sweeping into air) ITO That cartoon is wearing thin. First it was with the Fuhrman tapes. Now what does this Lizard Man cartoon have to do with the autopsy photos? CLARK It puts the trial in perspective on a human level. CUT TO In the front row of the courtroom, Marcia has placed a STRING SECTION from an orchestra. LS: ITO flings his GAVEL at CONDUCTOR'S head. ITO (to Marcia's string section) Will you shut up??!!! (takes a deep breath) Listen, Marcia, I don't want to see you come in here with the funny pages to argue your motions anymore; especially when you swipe them from my paper. Buy your own paper. COCHRAN Yeah, Marcia—I can assure you that your inane and transparent motions are funny enough as they are. CLARK That's totally unfair! We hear all this whining about the defendant's right to a fair trial. But don't the victims have rights? The Goldmans have a right to swim in Simpson's pool. They have a right to take his estate even before Simpson's guilt is determined. Chris Darden reaches into his bag of tricks, get an onion, splits it, and rushes over to Marcia with a yellow rubber ducky. The prosecution lawyers huddle. CLARK (CONT'D) Your honor—could you give us a minute? Chris is having trouble assembling the tracks for his Hot Wheels... ITO Is this going to take forever? You know we have a jury waiting. CLARK It might. ITO Proceed. DARDEN (whispers into her ears, takes the split onion and rubs it under Marcia's eyes) Here—try the duck! Gloria Allred says the duck always works for her! (Marcia grabs the duck, still in its original carton, and suddenly bursts into tears.) CLARK I—I'm very sorry your honor! I'm watching a dream shatter before my very eyes...and though that dream does not belong to me, I bleed from every pore for the surviving victims in question. Marcia bursts into tears and clutching the duck, she wails like a banshee, then writhes on the floor in agony. Then she tears out her hair and rips her clothing, climaxed when she walks over to a potted plant and symbolically throws soil into her face... CLARK (CONT'D) Forgive me for this outburst, Your Honor. (regains some of her composure) But just look at the duck, Your Honor! Still in its original package. By now it should be in O.J.'s swimming pool; in the loving hands of Kim Goldman! But no. We had to be sidetracked with this non issue like the fact that O.J. is innocent. F. Lee Bailey immediately rises; enraged. In fact, the whole defense table except Cochran does. They have a copy of the same paper, and instead of "Nicole" it reads the forbidden "N" word is "Neilsens". COCHRAN Objection! Move to strike that comment! We have the same paper and it reads differently. It's supposed to read that the forbidden "N" word is "Neilsens"! As in Neilsen Ratings, which is basically what this trial has boiled down to…. ITO Johnny, that's an insult to this court and to our honorable, chaste, and dignified friends at NBC, "Dateline", and "Hard Copy". (flashes toothy grin as he looks into the camera) Yes folks, check your local listings! COCHRAN I object! ITO Ahem. I digress. Council, call your first witness. Marcia Clark prepares to question Mark Fuhrman on his Klanmobile's "Jew Killer" license plate. CU: We see exhibit 23- The KLANMOBILE is a white van with a burning cross on the roof. The witness takes the stand as prosecutor Marcia Clark prepares to question him. BAILIFF Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? FUHRMAN Silly Negro, I am God. I am truth. BAILIFF (shaking head) You may take the stand. MARCIA Good afternoon ladies and gentle of the jury. Good afternoon Detective Fuhrman. (clears throat) If you look on the monitor to your immediate right, you will notice a license plate on the rear of your van that reads "Jew Killer." Does this license plate belong to you, or was it placed there, perhaps, by some malicious advocate for the defendant? CUT TO— Defense attorney Johnny Cochran rises angrily. COCHRAN I object, your honor! ITO Sustained. Ms. Clark, please refrain from such prejudicial speculation. Please answer the question, Mr. Fuhrman. FUHRMAN Of course not. I wouldn't stick that racist garbage on my car. Mine just says "Aryan Power" (suddenly grows pale, loses composure) I mean it says "SHALOM!" No, wait, I don't even own a car, that's right! MARCIA (perplexed) Det. Furhman, are you okay? Is something bothering you? Did Johnny Cochran threaten to make you his "deflowered Aryan bitch" again? ITO (impatiently) Marcia…. MARCIA Okay, sorry…strike that last comment. FUHRMAN (nervous and pale, he fidgets in his chair, and drops his gaze) It's the pressure. That bothers me. And the lies. Look, I can't take this anymore! Maybe I will tell the truth! MARCIA You know you don't have to do that. Just answer the questions FUHRMAN I know. But I want to tell the truth. Now is the chance for me to take a stand for the white race. MARCIA You can't be a racist. I'm a Jew,
Darden is black, and we're your friends. We've always been friends. FUHRMAN Oh shut up you yammering heeb. You're both a couple of crooked-ass posers, and I'd hate you even if you were both Aryan. MARCIA As you can see, ladies and gentleman of the jury, Detective Fuhrman has a delightful sense of humor- FUHRMAN First of all, I accept full responsibility because it was my idea. The others, like Lange and Vanatter, they were dragged into it. Well, invited rather. (Fuhrman stands, points at O.J. Simpson) Judge Ito, you must free this man. Whether or not he was responsible in any way for the murders is no longer the question here, we may never know now…and that was the objective. I planted the glove. I framed him. The case was ruined from the start. (Fuhrman slumps back into the witness chair) MARCIA Your honor, I move to strike… ITO On what grounds? MARCIA He's embarrassing me. ITO No shit. Proceed. FUHRMAN I planted the glove. I called Tracie Savage from KNBC and told
her about the blood on the socks beings Simpson's….a week before the socks were even tested. I framed that jigaboo out of sheer malice, but I swear I'm not a racist! A NETWORK EXECUTIVE shows her a chart with the lastest Nielsen ratings. Seeing her Nielsen ratings are now in jeopardy, MARCIA becomes desperate and quickly interrupts. MARCIA Your honor, I move to strike, the witness clearly is delusional. FUHRMAN Oh, and I kicked his dog Kato too!! COCHRAN I object! The witness has just perjured himself, exonerated Simpson, and furthermore, admitted to cruelty to animals! Your honor, may I approach the bench? ITO Sustained. Yes, you may. COCHRAN approaches FUHRMAN with some photographs handed to him by F. LEE BAILEY. Cochran checks Fuhrman's shoes and shoe size. COCHRAN He's not delusional! In fact, on June 1995, a vet just happened to photograph a jackboot imprint on the dog's flank; imprints that match those on Fuhrman's shoes this very day! We submit that this fully explains why Kato the dog now walks with a permanent limp. FUHRMAN (reviewing pictures) It's true. That steel toe imprint is mine The M.F. initial's—mine. I stamped them on that mutt with a swift and well aimed kick. But not all is lost, I think I know the true killers. MARCIA And how do you know your information is true? Where did you find them? FUHRMAN I was sent the bloody knives, some of Nicole's hair, and a business card. Would you like to see them? MARCIA No, we wouldn't. We know who the true killer is. It's Mr. Simpson, wife-beating demonic beast in the courtroom. FUHRMAN See, you're the one that's racist. Simpson couldn't have done it. The victims weren't speared or cannibalized. COCHRAN I object! We deeply resent that racist comment and the one before it, but grudgingly appreciate its impeachment value. Please ask counsel to continue that line of questioning. ITO Proceed. FUHRMAN Besides, there aren't any prints on the knives. The real killers videotaped the killing to document the hit for their boss, and OJ wasn't in it—he was on a plane by then. There was at least three- one was in charge of the videotaping. And they could afford to be sloppy because the hit was approved by the LAPD…and later, Garcetti. MARCIA Do you respect the respectable and intelligent people of the jury to believe that nonsense? Do you think you can fool these noble and selfless people of the jury? The JURY FOREMAN is bored. He secretly grabs a pocket mirror and aims it at Darden's shiny bald scalp to deflect the bright camera lights. The foreman adjust the pocket mirror's angle… CUT TO- And Marcia is immediately blinded. She squints and stumbles; knocks over the court reporter. She gets up, dusts herself, and points a bony, accusing finger at a wall. MARCIA (CONT'D) (squints) Look at the jury, Mr. Fuhrman. Don't you know that angels walk with them in counsel? Don't you know that they, the honorable ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have nothing but contempt for liars? The FOREMAN nods grimly, and gives her the finger. Then he furtively takes a rubber band, rolls up a tiny piece of paper, flattens it and forms it into a projectile. When MARCIA is close enough and facing DARDEN near the podium, Darden stands up to hand her some documents, and the foreman shoots her in the butt. Assuming Darden goosed her because of his proximity, she slaps him. MARCIA (CONT'D) Fresh! How dare you! (under her breath) Not now! DARDEN What the hell are you talking about? FUHRMAN But Marcia, did you guys see the tape of the killers? I gave it you this morning along with the bloody knives and fingerprint samples from the hit men, and I included their Interpol files, confessions, resumes, and home and work numbers. SHAPIRO (rises from the Defense table) Your honor, we were not presented with any of that exculpatory evidence! This is a gross miscarriage of justice! In the interests of common decency, please drop the case right now and stop this mockery of justice while we still can! Fuhrman already confessed! XCU: Prosecutor CHERI LEWIS reaches into her briefcase and pulls out some files marked "INTERPOL." Meanwhile, DARDEN quietly sets up a paper shredder under their table and gets to work on the confessions, files. He hums loudly to drown out the shredder, unsuccessfully of course. ITO Well? What did you do with evidence, Counsel? MARCIA Uhhh….I'm glad you asked. Yes, Fuhrman did give us the aforementioned tape, but there was an unforeseen accident We sat down to watch it… ITO (heaves a deep sigh) This better be good. This just better be good… MARCIA Actually, it was an accident very similar to what happened to you. We sat down to watch the tape and I accidentally pressed the record button., but I can assure you, your honor, there was absolutely no malice intended or wrought. Marcia goes to retrieve the video. PAN to Darden and Cheri at the prosecution table. He leans over to Cheri and asks her a question as she cleans the blood off the two knives. DARDEN (smoothly) Hey Cheri, Marcia told me you can't get over my new cologne. It's called "Cruel Ambitions" for Men. CHERI (puts the knives and cleaner down, and bitterly points to the hives and scratches on her arms) She's right. I can't get over the allergic reaction its giving me. I can't get rid of these damned hives! DARDEN Is that's what's bothering you? I'm here for you, pretty baby! Marcia finds the video and approaches the bench. She returns to the podium. ITO Counsel, this is a how-to home video copy of "Mark Fuhrman's Framing and Perjury for Idiots." MARCIA No it's not! ITO And it's overdue at Blockbuster Video. MARCIA. Oh, wrong one. It's right here… (quickly retrieves another) Marcia approaches the bench, hands Ito the other video. He takes a brief recess in his chamber. Then walks out. Peeved. ITO Ms. Clark, please tell the court how you managed to erase the tape from beginning to end? MARCIA This happened to you with another tape in question, your honor. It's not like these things don't happen. COCHRAN I object! She erased the whole tape without knowing it? With all due respect your honor, this is preposterous! It was deliberate and malicious destruction of exculpatory evidence! You only erased a few seconds of the audio tape wherein Fuhrman bragged about setting up suspects and planting weapons and drugs on them! And you erased the copy, not the master! ITO (mulls it over) Sorry, Johnny. She's got me there. A VCR can be pretty tricky nowadays., with all them buttons on them and stuff. My apologies, Counsel. Proceed. (O.S. A grinding, loud rattle.) The sound stuns the court. The proceedings are halted. Darden's portable paper shredder malfunctions because he tried to shred the two bloody knives. Cheri slaps him upside the head so hard she leaves a pale imprint of her hand. CHERI (seething) You idiot! I said "I can't get rid of these hives," not "knives"!!! What did you think I meant? DARDEN (sheepishly) What? You think I'm stupid? ITO Mr. Darden, what did I tell you about beepers and paper shredders in the courtroom? CHERI Your honor, Darden has a learning disability… you'll have to… ITO Darden can speak for himself. Theoretically. Now Chris, you've been warned. Proceed. MARCIA Thank your honor. Mr. Fuhrman, do you speak of your own free will and confess to framing Simpson; or were you blackmailed by Cochran, Douglas, and Shapiro as they chased you down an alleyway with chains and bats when you refused to buy their crack? FUHRMAN Of my own free will. I framed him. I took some vials from the lab and planted the glove, and the drop on the back of the white bundy fence. Yes, and even the socks. That why there was no blood spatter. MARCIA And the footprints? FUHRMAN The photos you used of Simpson were doctored with a matte insert. I'm sure you know that. If they weren't, you'd have given access to the original negatives to the defense. You never did and will. MARCIA But that would make Simpson innocent of this murder. And that cannot be. The whole world knows that. Everyone knows he's guilty. I know that, you know that. FUHRMAN Don't you understand you simp? I set him up! There was no evidence linking Simpson directly to the crime! If there was, my services would never have asked for! MARCIA Move to strike as non-responsive, your honor. ITO Sustained. MARCIA Mr. Fuhrman, are you on any medication or street drugs right now that are affecting your cognitive abilities? FUHRMAN None, unless you count estrogen, which is none of your damned business anyways! MARCIA So what you're telling us is that you didn't frame Simpson. FUHRMAN No, you ignorant sow! I'm telling you I did! Can't you get through your thick, self-infatuated heeb skull? MARCIA I see. So let's say you're not stark raving mad, and did frame Simpson. Does that mean he's innocent? FUHRMAN Legally, yes. The lights in the courtroom suddenly flicker and dim. To the amazement and terror of all, two ghosts appear in front of the jury. It's RON and NICOLE. It's a gory scene, both are hovering about a foot above the floor. Nicole is almost decapitated, her head hangs to the side held only by a piece of flesh. Ron is drenched in blood, his throat slit also. Suddenly Nicole's eyes flicker and she begins to speak. NICOLE Don't you think I would remember the men who did this to me? Please don't let these repulsive hypocrites imprison a man I once loved so deeply simply to advance their careers! Please! RON She's right. How do they propose to honor us by imprisoning an innocent man? MARCIA Objection! Your honor, the testimony of spirit entities is not allowed in California courtrooms. NICOLE Do you know how far we've come to speak the truth? How dare you commit this obscenity in our names? ITO I'm afraid she's right, Ms. Brown. We can't accept your testimony under California law. Bailiff, please call an exorcist to escort these sprits out. MARCIA Thank you, your honor. Besides, how do we know you're the real Ron and Nicole, and not some other ghosts looking for attention? It could happen? RON Ask us for details known only to the police. Like who destroyed my killer's fingerprints, and who shredded his file? MARCIA Okay wise guy. When Fuhrman went to plant the glove, what color panties was he wearing? FURMAN Hey! RON Pink with Garfield in a Klan robe on it. But what's the point in telling you? Even our testimony is worthless here. COCHRAN Your honor, the prosecution itself just admitted Fuhrman planted the glove! What more do you need? ITO A spine. Regardless, the question was, eh, posed as a hypothetical. Proceed. NICOLE Marcia Clark, you'll pay for this. I will not rest until I insure you pay dearly for convicting any innocents in my name, this while protecting killers you knew from the beginning. RON Would you like to know the latest victims? The Spooks and cops who shot the people in the in LAPD crime lab? Or is it a trifle self incriminating? NICOLE Marcia, Chris, Garcetti… you at the prosecution table, I promise you this… where your bloodstained cohorts go, you will follow. Disgusted, Ron and Nicole disappear. MARCIA (smirks defiantly) As you can see, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, unlike me; they're just here to confuse and mislead the jury. Now the defense has got the ghosts of Ron and Nicole to believe their ridiculous conspiracy theory! What's next? UFOs at the murder scene? Or how about their planting stories in the media about racist cops in law enforcement agencies like the ATF— BAILEY (rises from the defense table) Objection! That story was covered before this trial began! Over 300 ATF agents were videotaped at a Tennessee gathering; some distributing "Nigger Hunting Licenses" and t-shirts of Simpson hanging from a noose! FUHRMAN You're making a big deal out of nothing. The shirts shrink and bleed when you wash 'em. MARCIA Just answer the questions, Mr. Fuhrman. Now on your way home from church last Sunday, when the Dream Team chased you with guns and bats...with ghetto blasters in hand blaring misogynist Snoop Doggy Dogg rap songs in tow…. FUHRMAN What?? MARCIA Did they blackmail you into confessing? ITO That's it! Ms. Clark, what did I tell you about personal attacks? Don't leave this courtroom without writing a check for $250! Make it out to the Society for the Appreciation of Gangsta Rap! MARCIA (seething at the sanction, she is barely able to continue) So, Mr. Fuhrman, you were telling us you didn't frame Simpson. FUHRMAN Judge Ito, can you translate "I framed Simpson" into words this self-deluded, vainglorious butt fungus can understand? ITO I could, but how many times should I stomp my foot on the ground? MARCIA Your honor, I think the jury has seen enough today to know we seek the truth, and come with noble heart and intentions. No further questions. ITO Good. Bailiff, arrest this repulsive disgrace to law enforcement.. The bailiff unclips his holster, grabs his handcuffs and heads to Fuhrman… ITO (CONT'D) No, not Fuhrman. I mean Ms. Clark. Fuhrman I need to talk to. Mr. Simpson, you're a free man on this annoying technicality we call justice. (slams the gavel down) Case dismissed! Meanwhile, Judge Ito grimly walks up before a mounted camera and addresses the audience. ITO (CONT. (CONT'D) Ladies and gentlemen, I realize this may be the last televised murder trial in California. The medium has been terribly abused by those we relied upon for objectivity. Mere words cannot express my disappointment with the dehumanizing inclinations of the media…thus I must appeal to the last form of expression available to me…to any of us….Interpretive Dance! Ito whips out a tape recorder and top hat from under his robe, slips in a cassette and starts dancing the Robot. He steals the show away from the victorious defense. MARCIA (as the bailiff drags her away) Fools! He's guilty, I tell you! Guilty! I I saw him do it, yeah! That's it! I saw him do it! He told me he did it! DOLLY OUT: Suddenly the song segues into Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back." A spotlight falls on the judge. Ito tears off his robe to expose his gangsta rapper gold chains and jogging suit, and, suddenly accompanied by dancers, he breaks into a karaoke version of the rap classic…. ITO "I like big butts and I cannot lie… you other brothers can't deny… that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung… and wanna pull up stuff cause you notice that butt was stuffed… deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get with ya, and take your picture my homeboys tried to warn me but that butt you got makin' me so horny…."