Note: Ann Coulter’s derogatory definition of “liberal” extends arbitrarily to anyone who disagrees with her and should not be construed as a reference to a single party.
“Skinhead-My life as An Ex-Man”
by Ann Coulter (exclusive excerpt from new book)
“Suddenly my throbbing manhood stretched my pink lacy panties to the breaking point. It ripped through, and catapulted free, slapping the smile off of Sean Hannity’s face as he turned around to face the sound of tearing fabric. My donkey schlong replaced that smile with a look of utter surprise, and then oddly, arousal… Watching his left eye swell close, I had never hated my enormous dong as much as I did then, and I at last realized it was not enough to just dress like a woman… no, I had to be one, too.”
[pullquote]“Ann, your recent columns attacking a proposed Martin Luther King memorial were, if I dare say so myself, a little over the top. What can you offer as proof that blacks not only loved slavery, but that Africans often boarded the slave ships to enter America illegally?”[/pullquote]
Chapter 1
Liberals are Faggot Ass Bastards and Must All Die and Burn in Hell
Liberals. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blahblah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. I have an Adam’s apple and I have no children, because my anus has no uterus. Questions about my transexuality may be valid, and it’s true I have never been married and that may be one reason.
But you know what? at least I’m not a liberal. And at least I’m not gay. Blah blah dee blah blah. Liberals. Treachery, evil. Liberals. Ronald Reagan good. Liberals bad. Blah blah dee blah blah blah. Joe McCarthy makes my hairy nipples hard. Blah. Blah? blah dee blah blah. All liberals are evil, especially those who can read. Are you a liberal? Fuck you. Blah blah dee blah blah blah liberals….liberals….blah blah dee blah blah. Blah blah dee blah blah. Fucking pansy-ass liberals. Blah blah dee blah blah blah liberals, you stupid race traitors.
My daddy was an Anglophile in the Klan, and he taught me that burning the cross honors Jesus, just like burning the American flag honors Americans. White power! everyone knows 2 +2 = 5. What are you, a race traitor? liberal? Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. My big ass, sexy white feet are proof of genetic supremacy, of reptilian DNA. White power! Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. My powers of deduction are super-human. But unfortunately, liberals will never see that.
I recall an interview with Chris Mathews:
“Ann, your recent columns attacking a proposed Martin Luther King memorial were, if I dare say so myself, a little over the top. What can you offer as proof that blacks not only loved slavery, but that Africans often boarded the slave ships to enter America illegally?”
“See? only a liberal would have the gall to question my research and integrity on this sensitive matter. Blacks worked for free from birth until they died. Therefore they loved slavery. End of story. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah.”
“I guess you’re right. I apologize.” Chris agreed, chagrined. Boy did I teach him. Blah dee blah blah blah, fucking liberals.
“Damned WOPS, beaners.” I continued, scratching my balls between station breaks. “They’re almost as bad as Flips, Japs and Chinks. Blah blah dee blah blah blahblah dee blah blah blah. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Do I need a reason, Chris?”
“No Ann. You’re special, and I’m not just saying that ’cause of the handicapped placard on your bike.”
“Why thank you Chris. That was sweet.”
“You’re welcome”
“For a fag I guess you’re alright, and special too.”
Which brings me to another story, if I may digress….
Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. People always asked me why I decided to have the operation. I don’t often answer, but certain memories flash back, particularly the one that was the last straw. I had just shaved my head, and my Doc Martins, custom made for my big feet, had finally arrived. And there I was, about to give a speech…when suddenly, my manhood was throbbing through pink lacy panties, its massive girth slipping through and embarrassing me in church as I stood at the podium. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah.
Later that day I was modeling lingerie at a Giuliani fund raiser but the audience was anything but interested, despite my bullhorn with which I attempted a subtle seduction…
“What are you all? fags? Free lap dance and book reading if ya got a little nose candy!”
There were no takers but Sean Hannity. No sooner had Toby Keith begun playing before my throbbing manhood stretched my panties to the breaking point. As I danced it ripped through and catapulted free, slapping the smile off of Sean’s face as he turned around to face the sound of tearing fabric. My donkey schlong replaced that smile with a look of utter surprise, and then oddly, arousal…
Watching his left eye swell close, I had never hated my enormous dong as much as I did then, and I at last realized it was not enough to just dress like a woman… no, I had to be one, too. I was so embarrassed I ran off into a bathroom.
Rudy Giuliani, the other transvestite Republican honored at the fund raiser, followed me into the men’s room to comfort me.
“Ann, you know, during 9/11, as I walked through the smoldering ruins of the Twin Towers in my stiletto heels, I didn’t feel very pretty. Rescue crews looked at me like I was some kind of freak. But I AM WOMAN, Ann, I said to myself and I held my head high. You should too.”
Lady Rudy Makes Donald Trump Pop a Boner
When I returned an hour later, everyone was gone but Rush Limpbaugh and Sean, the latter whom had eagerly propped a pillow under his knees to service Rush, and I knew my secret would be safe with the two most heterosexual men I know. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah.
Cicero, Roman statesman, 44 BC (attributed) after blind date with then 20 year-old Ann Coulter *Latin for “Ann, you vile obscene whore, you pile of shit, fuck off and die in a fire.” Above, Ann Coulter C-SPAN video excerpts of an actual speech in which she refers to Native Americans as peyote smoking “savages” and refers to Arabs as “camel-riding nomads.” She also suggests that dissidents should be put in “administrative detention under John Ashcroft.”
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But again, I realized it was not enough to merely dress like a woman, like Rudy Giuliani or J. Edger Hoover, no, they weren’t true to themselves. But I was. I decided to have a sex change operation right then and there, because frankly, a little black cocktail dress can do nothing to conceal a rock hard, nine inch penis. Thus I became the world’s most famous transsexual (and straight) conservative author.
Just kidding. This account isn’t true at all. They were blue panties, not pink, with skidmarks. But that’s ok. Aryan skidmarks are pure, fragrant and naturally sterile. If what you have just read above strikes you as complete nonsense, if it seems to you to lack reason, substance, and sanity… then you are a liberal, so go fuck yourself.
Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Liberals this, liberals that. Blah blah dee blah blah blah blah dee blah blah blah. Blah blah dee blah blah liberals blah blah. Blahh? Blah!
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