Cops Investigate ‘Armed Cat’ Holding a ‘Rifle’; Turns Out to Be a Stick

April 28, 2017 Independent Press In Brief, Uncategorized

“We live in such a dangerous society that we never know when terror will strike…”

At least, that must be what Newport, Oregon police thought went through the mind of the concerned citizen who snapped the above photo when they took to Facebook apparently worried that a cat sniper with a rifle was stalking the streets of Newport earlier this week.

Notice the department’s post says “reports” — as in, more than one report.

Yes. Cats with rifles.

No opposable thumbs, but… rifles.

Apparently the cat was given a verbal warning.

(The sad part is, if this was a real 9-1-1 call, no one at TDS would even be surprised.)

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?