The United Nations Security Council has introduced a new means to ensure, at long last, world peace.
“They are like UN non-binding resolutions, only more bad ass. No self-respecting nation wants to wake up to a depressing number of likes due to war crimes.” said U.N. spokesman Haywood Jablowme.
“We get it. We’re a joke. We’ve never stopped a major power from unilateral action and we have no standing army that could deter any nation, not even a glee club. However, this social media shaming, maybe it could persuade psychotic leaders from murdering civilians for banking, oil and gas interests or any other multinationals. We got a few more Dislikes on North Korea and I think we’re going a real long way, here, but nobody really likes American efforts to bring democracy at gunpoint to other countries. That’s odd!”
Mr. Jablowme added that in a surprise move and symbolic gesture towards Syrian President Bashir al Assad’s administration, presently at war with ISIS and its proxy army allies; Saudi Arabia, Israel, and the UK voted Like on the latest batch of war crimes by ISIS against Christians in Syria and Iraq “to spite the despotic dictator” and to pat themselves on their backs for their “superior moral fiber.”
American UN Ambassador Nikki “Ice Pick” Haley is holding her Like vote for ISIS “until an appropriate heart or hug emoji is introduced.”
When pressed for comment, Syrian President Bashir al Assad said the Like votes for ISIS “were not cool” and he protested the “telling act of microagression that will likely discourage any future Like votes on western measures for the immediate future.”