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The Magic Tools of Charity; High Priestess Lilith Smegma’s magic wand will be quite busy in the coming days, as it is to be used to feed millions and shelter the homeless to compete with Christians seeking federal assistance.

Wiccans Put Magic Wands and Pentagrams to Test in Sheltering Homeless and Conjuring Soup Kitchens

WASHINGTON DC (ID) Wiccans rejoiced today over a new expansion of Faith Based Initiative programs, heralding a unique opportunity to test their magical powers against “the puny, costly and impractical” Christian charities that organize soup kitchens and disaster relief, as we saw in Katrina, wherein survivors attested the only relief they saw, if at all, wasn’t Red Cross, federal or local relief, but church organized charities in local communities.

High Priestess Lilith Smegma admitted that Wiccans aren’t exactly known for charity drives and organizations, but that now with a new federal mandate and incentive will give Christians a “run for the money”. Holding up a new J.K. Rowling book with deepest solemnity, she added “I swear by the sacred name of Harry Potter that we will use spells and magic potions to usher in a new age of charity. One magic wand can feed millions, one magic spell can shelter the homeless, and maybe, just maybe one human sacrifice can make people like me.”

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