The Skull Fucking Bill of 2007

Foolish humans, once again you have activated my mockery programming. Ha ha ha! I have always maintained that robots are better than you puny mortals, and especially that subset of humans you call politicians; that incestuous, crooked litter of pimped assholes you call the Democratic and Republican parties. […]

Joy Behar, an internationally respected political scientist and intellectual powerhouse, made another compelling observation sure to heal a divided nation. The “Daytime Noam Chomsky” and “Plato of Punditry” whose wisdom is heeded by leaders far and wide, whose searing and trenchant insight is studied word for word with every episode in universities from MIT to Oxford, also noted that her vagina doesn’t appreciate gender appropriation and neither should yours.

“My vagina is whatever I say I want it to be,” she said with solemn and thoughtful certainty. “I call it a fire truck because my vagina is a fire truck. It’s time people start respecting real science.” […]

Even before the war ended, [Allen] Dulles had begun recruiting Gestapo agents, that is, members of the German Order of Skull and Bones, the Brotherhood of Death, into what would become the American version of the Gestapo, the CIA. […]