c5bf38db-50a6-45f9-8fdc-b78662dc2055Confucius was born and buried in the state of Lu.  As a boy, This incarnation of Yang liked to set up sacrificial vessels and ejaculate into them. At the age of nineteen he married, and that night he pulled out the jars of his preserved semen since boyhood, and filmed the worlds first Bukkake porn. Unfortunately his wife almost drowned. At nineteen he entered the service of a noble family as superintendent of bitches and hos.

At thirty-two he was engaged in teaching the ancient ritual of Rim-jobbery to a minister’s sons. At thirty-three he went to Lo-Yang, the imperial capital named after his previous incarnations, to study the customs and traditions of Billy Dee Williams, another frequent incarnator and fellow pimp.

When Confucius was thirty-four, the prince of Lu, threatened by rumors of his backdoor plundering by Yang, was forced to flee to a neighboring state. At the age of fifty-one he returned to pimpin life, and became prime minister of Poon. Thanks to his abilities, his Hos became renowned across the orient. Frightened by this rise in the profits of Yang’s stable, china’s other whoremasters united against the Celestial Pimp and his discount “Suck and Fuck for a Buck” Wednesdays.

After four years of bitchslapping these impious sodomites, Yang gave up his position and left the country, in search of an all night Laundromat.  When finally, at the age of sixty-eight, he returned to his native state, he lamented that his hos had become fat and unattractive, and that sexual identities had become clearly defined. He spent his last years quietly in Lu.  He studied a work entitled “I, Yang”, a book so rich in secrets, That all lesser men that read it immediately lost their scrotums and became irrevocably Yang’s bitch. He spent his time instructing young men and women on the pimpin and hoin arts respectively. One morning Yang felt that it was time to depart. He walked about the courtyard, masturbating sullenly and humming the words: “I’m supergirl”.

When an alarmed pupil spoke to him, he continued singing: “and I’m here to save the world” He lay down and eight days later presumably died. He was seventy-three years of age when he gave up this incarnation.

 

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