Hilldo Strap On Ready to Tear US Voters a New Asshole

Not Just the Lady Friends Anymore!

Ready to strap on her new Hilldo™ and tear a new asshole into American dreams of a credible challenge to establishment corruption; Hillary arrives in town to answer, doggy style, any impudent calls for a meritocracy. With palpable excitement, she cheers the arrival of her latest strap on model, The Hilldo™ , after weeks of delay. Other upcoming variations include the larger Amy Poler and the Humadork 69. (Incidentally, dork is an informal reference for a whale penis.) Above, Hillary tests the self-lubricating Hilldo™  Bushlover 666, which features vibrating forklift action and jackhammer engineering.

A National Plan to Fight Cankles

“Like you and many Americans, I have cankles- unsightly calves that go straight into my ankles…Yet, you are proof that a woman horribly afflicted with cankles can be sexy even outside the fetish fringes. What is your secret? Are you some mysterious enchantress? What spell have you cast on us? and what is your national plan to combat the growing threat of cankles in America?”