Sleepless Jeff Bezos Still Has Millions of “What Happened” 1 Star Reviews to Delete

A sleepless Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, distraught over the poor reception of Hillary Clinton’s latest book, has gone six days without batting an eye in a desperate effort to delete millions of one star reviews of Clinton’s latest book What Happened. He is also in a lot of pain from the carpel tunnel syndrome he has from repeatedly hitting the delete key hundreds of thousands of times.

“I’m reading those reviews one by one and honestly, it makes me mad. She’s better than Shakespeare and Mark Twain combined. What is wrong with these people? Is it just me and Peter Dauo under her spell? Or that Joy Reid dude or Chris Hayes lady? Is it just us that can appreciate her almighty glory?”

At press time, MSNBC intellectual titan Joy Reid added “I can’t wait to get a copy of the book, and then maybe get someone to read it for me.”

“Pretty Boy Joy” may take on Mayweather.

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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