Never be Fooled Again!
Impious Political analysts use only the best software when it comes to researching politicians, and we'd like to take this opportunity to thank the programming team that made the PDT (Political Double-Speak Translator) possible.
The Impious Digest's Political Doublespeak Translator® is an open-source program designed to reveal the true intent and wording denied to constituents when addressed by politicians. It uses a special algorithm based on Newspeak principles defined in Orwell's "1984".
The program's translation engine scours through the legislation of any given official and proceeds to analyze its relative campaign donor interests. It then articulates the unspoken agenda or message with uncanny precision.
Along with translating Newspeak, *Political Doublespeak Translator Pro® can...
accurately gauge just how big a piece of shit a given official is to within .00013 micrograms
scan and analyze the strain on a politician's joint cartilage to precisely ascertain the average number of hours spent per day on his or her knees, accommodating special interests
detect any trace of tonsil callous to precisely ascertain the average number of hours spent per day impurely servicing male lobbyists.