The Impious Digest

Rahm Emmanuel’s Angelic Voice

Entertainment

March 31, 2013

I knew about the guy who had Obama’s ear that cursed almost as much as me, although I’d never seen my rival in person. During a White House tour, as I ran into the men’s room and sat down in the stall to pinch a steaming Limbaugh, I heard something haunting, very odd, yet beautiful. His voice was vaguely familiar. After cursing up a storm in the stall beside me I made out something along the lines of:

“Gibbs, you motherfucker! You inconsiderate cocksucker! I can’t believe you left a floater in my favorite stall! Fuck you! Fuck you, you bubble eyed sack of dog shit. Fuck! Fuck ! Fuck! I will kill you, you motherfucker, learn how to flush and put that breaking news in your press release!” I heard him light a match and could soon smell its smoke; the hopeless attempt to mask Gibbs’ unflushed offering. […]

Leftist Meltdown Also Slams American War Dead

Sorcha Faal

May 25, 2020

A thought-provoking new Security Council (SC) report circulating in the Kremlin today noting some positive developments happening in the “Coronavirus Pandemic War”, says Chief Sanitary Officer Anna Popova has authorized over half of Russia’s regions to begin loosening their lockdowns as the coronavirus abates, while at the same time Director Alexander Gintsburg of the Gamaleya Scientific Research Institute of Epidemiology and Microbiology has revealed mass vaccination against the novel coronavirus in Russia may start in autumn, but says this process may take as long as nine months—an assessment agreed with by US Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar with his announcement yesterday that it is “a very credible objective” for the United States to have “100 million doses” of a coronavirus vaccine as early as October and triple that amount by the early part of next year—though predictably these positive moves against the coronavirus are being met with leftist meltdowns, as to cure this disease ends their tyrannical reign of power over innocent peoples’ lives—best exampled in Britain where Prime Minister Boris Johnson is being pummeled by leftists because one of his aides broke lockdown rules—and in America, where just days after the US Army announced one its largest recruitment drives in history to give well paying careers to young people left jobless by the coronavirus, the vile leftist New York Times choose this weekend that America mourns its war dead to attack the US military and dementedly accuse it of “celebrating white supremacy”—but whose greatest example of leftist meltdown lunacy came after these idiots discovered the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) had tweeted information about how to get the Economic Impact Payment in Russian—proof these mindless idiot leftists screamed that “Putin is running the US government through encrypted communications”—and if true, according to leftist logic, must mean this applies to every other leader in the world, too—as the IRS tweets out such information in all of the world’s languages. […]

Feared Trump Spy Network Captures “Deep State” Assassins Spreading Mysterious Flu Virus

by Sorcha Faal in Sorcha Faal

The feared private spy network set up by President Donald Trump captured two American shadow government “Deep State” assassins on 25 March in Tewksbury, Massachusetts, identified as Francho S. Bradley and Adrianne D. Jennings—and after whose capture, saw Bradley possessing his Department of Defense (DoD) concealed carry weapons badge and admitting that he was “on a classified government mission”—but whose true “mission” was to spread a mysterious flu virus which Dr. Ali Raja, Vice Chairman of Massachusetts General Hospital’s emergency department, has just warned is already impacting his State. […]