Michael Moore Truth Campaign Begins With Admission He’s Anorexic, Didn’t Know About Weinstein

Brave Michael Moore has come clean in his new Truth campaign.

“I am only 95 lbs. and I am starting to worry about my weight,” he said sadly. “I may have anorexia. Seriously, man, I have to gain a few pounds. I’m scared. I’m so skinny I can run across a razor blade and not get caught. I can run around the shower and not get wet, I am so skinny.”

When asked if there were other obvious, deeper truths he was finally accepting, the “skinny bastard” said “I also didn’t know about Harvey Weinstein or about the biggest open secret in Hollywood: Weinstein was a brutal serial rapist who attacked my peers and friends. They never confided in me or asked for help, too, even though I am the biggest champion of the underdog in the world. With my reputation and weight, I could have stopped rather than enabled a brutal serial rapist. If I knew, but I didn’t, because Harvey and I were only very close friends and he only financed all my political movies.”

In a recent interview, Michael Moore also opened up and shared some views on Cuba, life, romance, and life as NAMBLAs “sexiest man alive.”

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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