Local Idiot Follows Cyndi Lauper’s Lead When Voting

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Local idiot Michelle Smegma, 46, of Encino, CA announced this morning that she will vote for Hillary because Cyndi Lauper “said Donald Trump is Hitler.”

Though Adolf Hitler has been dead since 1945 and there is no evidence that Trump has dedicated his life to hunting down Jews, building death camps and waging genocidal wars of conquest, Smegma is still convinced they are one and the same person. Her husband, Sam Smegma, 50, notes “Michelle thinks Lauper was being literal, so she believes that hysterical pop star metaphors displaying an unflattering lack of perspective and literacy warrant an overruling of her own reservations about Clinton. She is, after all, an idiot, bless her simple heart.”

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Methinks I am a conspiracy theorist. Art thou? Thou block, thou stone, thou worse than senseless thing, for whilst thou slept didst this become a badge of honor. Informed dissent shall always prevail, wherefore art thou worthy, or art thou this unwholesome fool in the group conformity experiment herein?

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