 |
 Testimonials... |
"Although I have never even won the Impious Fuckwit of the Month Award, I can still attest to the thorough and professional ass whuppin' I received by Mr. Joe Mahma after a show critical of professional wrestling." Jerry Springer, TV Host, Satan incarnate |
 "Hello. I paint Los Angeles freeway murals and was nominated for my most celebrated piece Piss on the Wall; A Jackson PollackTribute. As promised, the beating was severe and unexpected. Now, I can't wait until my physical and emotional scars heal....so I can crawl outside my house and paint again! Thank you Joe Mahma!"Cletus Excretus, Impious Fuckwit of the Month, July 2002 |
 "I merely live next door to Cletus, and was returning his wife's dildo when I was lucky enough to partake of his beating. Mr. Joe Mahma was particularly generous, as several boots to my ass can clearly attest." Heywood Jablowme, Cletus' neighbor |
Winning Example |
 Â The typical ass-beating you can expect from Joe Mahma. This is Pat Buchanan's ass after the lifetime achievement awards ceremony. (See below) |
| Post-Beating Traumatic Guilt Disorder... |
 |
| may result from an overly generous dispensation
of award. A rare and exceptional honor, winners will
be billed for treatment of any recurrence or
exacerbation of Joe Mahma's aforementioned
pre-existing condition.. |
|
|
Moreover, any medical expenses, e.g., surgical extraction of a
winner's embedded teeth from my knuckles, knuckle stitching and
bandaging, et al, will be the responsibility of the winner. Psychological counseling for treatment of my fear of needles, stethoscopes, and Hello Kitty tampons and vaginal accessories, may also be included in said expenses.
Post-beating boot buffing and cleaning expenses are also assumed by the winner. If you must bleed on me, do so thoughtfully and responsibly by waiting until after my boot is removed from your ass. You may save a few dollars.
Your Nominations Welcome
Readers, you can nominate whomever you please by writing to the editor
(see top menu bar, click Contact).
Before you make a submission, the following conditions must be met:
1. Nominee must be a public figure. We do not accept nominations from those hoping to honor a herpes-infected ex, for example,
your mother-in-law, or a boss.
2. Nominee must be in good physical condition to accept the award (a physically and emotionally scarring private ass-whuppin', and optional televised beating).
The Impious Digest Fuckwit of the Month Award has a long and celebrated tradition of providing public figures the due attention and reward which they, by actions and words betraying them, secretly hunger for.
In the rare event the beating is overly severe, I, Joe Mahma, may
suffer Post-Beating Traumatic Guilt Disorder, or physical fatigue during the act of
chasing you down should when you attempt to run from me.
Thus I may
decide to sue you for punitive damages incurred from the standard
aforementioned treatment of emotional trauma your injuries and cries inflict
on me. If the fatigue is enough to affect the execution of my duties, a
surcharge to said medical expenses may be imposed. This should be expected by the lucky winner, and is considered a rare and exceptional honor.
Good Luck. I look forward to kicking your ass!
Joe Mahma
Winners
of the coveted Impious Fuckwit of the Month Award receive a personal
ass-kicking from me, Joe Mahma. Here I am with the Lifetime Achievement
Award winner, Pat Buchanan. I am 6'8" and weigh over 290 lbs. Along with the
honor of winning said award, winners will earn the distinct honor of paying
for my air fare, meals and lodgings. Payment for these expenses are
non-negotiable and assumed by the winner, as these expenses are incurred in
the personal delivery of said award.
