IN BRIEF: Chelsea Handler Introduces Tube Sock Line Modeled After Her Breasts

A truly ominous new Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) report circulating in the Kremlin today says that in the United States, where its citizens have willfully blinded themselves to the distinctly American internet saying “if a product is free, it means that you are the product”—its Orwellian mass surveillance and control system called Facebook has now been joined by an equally Orwellian, and terrifying, new law enacted in the dead of night this past week called the Clarifying Overseas Use of Data Act (CLOUD)—and that is called a major threat to the freedom of the entire world—none of whose people will be will ever be the same again as they cower in fear of what it is soon to come.  […]

“No breakthroughs” were made during talks held yesterday between President Putin and US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. Alarming circumstance were brought about after Pompeo essentially warned Putin that President Trump doesn’t know what his own US Navyis doing as it steams its way towards a catastrophic and needless confrontation with Iran—the truth of which was stunningly displayed when an obviously stunned Trump admitted he didn’t even know about his military’s plan to rush 120,000 troops to the Middle East—that was followed by a rare on-the-record press briefing given by British Army Major-General Chris Ghika from the Baghdad-Iraq headquarters of Operation Inherent Resolve (OIR) where he stated “I’m not going to go into the detail of it, but there are a substantial number of militia groups in Iraq and Syria and we don’t see any increased threat from many of them at this stage”—but whose statement of no Iranian threat being seen, saw him near immediately being rebuked by US Navy career officer Marine General Kenneth F. McKenzie Jr. (US Marines are land force of US Navy) who is the commander of US Central Command (CENTCOM) responsible for the Middle East Region—and after rebuking British General Chika, then saw General McKenzie Jr. placing all of his CENTCOM forces on high alert and his ordering all non-emergency American personnel to immediately leave Iraq—thus showing Putin’swise move to fly to his meeting with Pompeo while being escorted by half of Russia’s Su-57 stealth fighter fleet of warplanes, as no one knows when World War III is set to begin. […]

Within two hours of President Putin calling an emergency meeting with defense officials upon his learning 14 Russian submariners had been killed, that was followed by Vice President Mike Pence being abruptly called back to the White House, an urgent communiqué was received by Minister of Defense Sergei Shoigu sent from US Air Force Chief of Staff General David Goldfein—and after received by Minister Shoigu, than saw General Goldfeinpublically releasing a three-step counterplan to deal with a Russian nuclear attack upon the United States—with this crisis being sent into motion due to war actions involving the just started massive Dynamic Mongoose operation being conducted by NATO anti-submarine forces off the coast of Russia—and whose “Hornet Nest” attack tactic caused the tragic loss of life aboard Project 10831 Losharik—the most secretive and feared Russian submarine in existence. […]