IN BRIEF: Chelsea Handler Introduces Tube Sock Line Modeled After Her Breasts

Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov was “beyond rage” after he was told by US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo yesterday that innocent Russian student Maria Butina was arrested on made up spy charges by the “Deep State” who are using her as a “toy” to destroy United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit Judge Brett Kavanaugh, whom President Trump nominated, on 9 July, to be elevated to the US Supreme Court—with Lavrov then angrily telling Pompeo that these “fabricated charges are unacceptable”, and his further calling for Maria’s “immediate release”—and who joins Russian Ambassador to Washington Anatoly Antonov who slammed the US for arresting Maria by saying “what they are doing is a farce, a tragedy”, and Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova stating the obvious about Maria’s arrest by declaring that “the FBI is simply carrying out a clearly political order”.  […]

Large portions of the 911 Emergency System in the United States have been crippled over the past 24-hours—a system managed by the American telecommunications giant CenturyLink, whose President and Chief Operating Officer, Jeffrey Storey, former President Barack Obama secreted onto the critical National Security Telecommunications Advisory Committee (NSTAC) just weeks prior to President Donald Trump taking power. The sudden attack was pre-warned about by the feared Trump supporting private intelligence and mercenary company Blackwater who, on 26 December, took out a full page advertisement to chilling warn the “Deep State” that “We Are Coming!” […]

CNN Chief Jeff Zucker was never easy on the eyes, but now a rash of penis suicides has hit the nation as male genitals are bullied online with taunts of “Jeff Zucker head”, “Butt Fucker Zucker,” “Zuck face”, “CNN is Fake News!”, “CNN is ISIS!” and “Mother Zucker” that in best case scenarios, only resolves with years of therapy; but in worst cases, ends in suicide and tragedy. The report, “Penile Suicide and Jeff Zucker’s Ugly Bitch Ass Face: A Twin Tragedy” was conducted by the University of Jeff Zucker Can Go Fuck Himself, and just published today. […]