Anyone who has actually read the bible, and then sat down and watched the right-wing media on any given day, would quickly be struck by a contrast of separate ideologies, polar opposites in fact: one is based on love and hope, the other hate and fear. But was Jesus hateful at all, as the media implies?

How FOX News Would Spin Jesus’ Sound Bites

Seriously


By Rev. Duh

Jesus:  LOVE YOUR ENEMIES

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven :for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?” Matthew 5:44-46

FOX News Spin:

JESUS A TERRORIST SYMPATHIZER

“Jesus loves the enemies of America, and blesses the terrorists. It’s clear that Jesus isn’t just a nutty liberal, but a terrorist and traitor. We demand his arrest and crucifixion on these grounds immediately!”


Jesus: THE BLOOD OF THE NEW TESTAMENT

 

“And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, ‘Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins’.” Matthew 26:26-28

FOX News Spin:

JESUS ENCOURAGES DISCIPLES TO DRINK HIS BLOOD

“Vampirism? Cannibalism? is there anything this pinhead Jesus and his followers won’t do?”


Jesus: THROWING OUT THE MONEY-CHANGERS

 

“And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables; And said unto them that sold doves, ‘Take these things hence; make not my Father’s house a house of merchandise’.” John 2:15-16

FOX News Spin:

JESUS A SOCIALIST THREAT: OPPOSES FREE MARKET

“Clearly, Jesus is a socialist threat. His outrageous antics at the Temple today show his opposition to free trade will be violent if need be.”


Jesus: MATERIALISM

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21

FOX News Spin:

JESUS A TAX CHEAT? HOARDS TREASURE IN HEAVEN

“This man, if he be the Son of God and holy as he claims to be, why doesn’t he store his treasures on earth and pay taxes on them like the rest of us do?”


Jesus: FAITH WILL DIVIDE FAMILIES

“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against he rmother-in-law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:34-37

FOX News Spin:

JESUS VIOLATES 5th COMMANDMENT; URGES HATRED AND DISHONOR OF PARENTS

“Honor thy father and thy mother. That’s the fifth commandment. Where does Jesus stand? well, you heard him yourself. He places himself above your father and mother and asks you to do the same. But if you do that, doesn’t it dishonor them? Folks, Jesus has admitted that he did not come to earth to bring peace, but a sword. He encourages the destruction of the family unit. This liberal pinhead encourages hatred of father and mother, sons and daughters. The Son of God? I don’t think so. If anything, Jesus is the servant of the devil, or the devil himself. We demand his arrest and crucifixion.”


 

So what have we learned here?

This doesn’t just apply to religion, but to anyone ahead of their time. But let’s use the example of religion. Any Christian that holds any pastor or minister to the standard of perfection that was Jesus Himself, must acknowledge that reaching such perfection doesn’t mean the world will stop hating him. On the contrary.

If you read the bible you know the lukewarm Christian is spat out by Jesus; but the same Christian will always be accepted by the world, because he will compromise his principles to appease secular interests and religious ones. If the world tells him to preach hate, he will preach hate. If it tells him to preach love, he will preach love. He will preach through the fickle guidance of man, not the teachings of Jesus. The teachings of Jesus are pretty simple:

  • Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, pray for them.
  • Forgive others as you would be forgiven
  • And above all, love the Lord almighty with all your heart and mind.

A pastor, minister, priest who admonishes his people, congregation for straying from these teachings is doing his job. And inasmuch as the world attacks him for it, he is doing it as Jesus wanted; not with a lukewarm heart, but with passion. With conviction. But there is one critical distinction: Jesus placed an unmistakable emphasis on love and forgiveness, a personal relation with God, and he rebuked the hateful and self-righteous.

Nowhere in the bible do I read about Jesus picketing funerals, or harassing mourners for the sins, perceived or real, of their family. What I do recall reading is that you should first take the plank from your own eye before pointing out a speck of sawdust in the eye of another. What I do recall is a man who saved the life of an adulteress about to be stoned to death when he told the angry mob that “he who has not sinned among you cast the first stone.” What I do recall is a man dying on a cross, being mocked by observers and rulers with taunts like “He saved others, let him save himself, if this is the Christ, the Chosen One of God.” What I don’t recall is a hateful, bitter man dying on that cross and answering their vile mockery with enmity, but rather, a man who said “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

FOX News, and most of the conservative media like to imply Jesus was punitive, hypocritical, judgmental, full of hate and bitterness. They do this by acting as if Christ would approve of our hating each other, particularly hating each other without reason. They want you to hate and fear Iranians, foreigners, immigrants, liberals. the targets of their hate may change, but that which doesn’t change is hate. There is always hate there. One would think, watching the conservative media and listening to conservative radio lately, that hate is a family value, a positive attribute as opposed to sin.

So what are Christ’s teachings on hate?

“He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in the darkness until now. He that loves his brother abides in light, and there is no occasion of stumbling in him. But he that hates his brother is in the darkness, and walks in the darkness, and knows not where he goes, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” 1 John 2:9-11

“Every one that hates his brother is a murderer, and ye know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” 1 John 3:15

These network Pharisees and Sadducees simply portray Jesus in their own image, and demean his sacrifice. If you see Jesus in their words and deeds, you do not know Jesus. At all..

What would Jesus say, being aware of what’s done in his name? I don’t know. But I can guess it might have something to do with instant karma and/or God’s ultimate judgment, something he would sometimes say in regards to the Pharisees and Sadducees: “Verily, they shall have their reward.”

Or perhaps he might address the Christians themselves…

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. ” Matthew 5:11-12

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