Here, Athenian critics weep as Yangil Kim announces Santa Clause is dead.
Ho Ho Ho
EXT. DARK STREET CORNER- NIGHT A chill winter wind blows through a dark corner dimly illuminated by the full moon and a single streetlight. Refuse chokes the only sewer grate present and a stripped car, heavily laden with graffiti, resides there. An occasional dog barks in the distance and the lone figure of a young woman, TINA, standing beneath the streetlight, shifts her weight from side to side, revealing clothing not fit for an outdoor stroll. A long green over coat, unfastened and too big for the girl, poorly conceals the red stockings clasped to her equally red panties, matching the red of her bra and open toed shoes. Her curly brown hair wildly frames her overly made up face, which although young, about mid-twenties, seems to hold more weathered stress than her cosmetics can conceal. She looks up suddenly as footsteps approach from her right, and she forces a smile at the oncoming individual. TINA Hey there stranger, I haven't seen you around here before. STRANGER You have my dear, you just don't remember; but that's beside the point, I've seen you. The stranger steps into the illumination of the streetlight, revealing an over weight man of about fifty with pure white hair flowing into a rather large white mustache and beard. He is wearing small round glasses perched on his round and blushed cheeks. A bright red and green bowling shirt with the name "Kris" stitched in gold thread over the left breast tops a pair of baggy red sweatpants and black shoes. TINA So what brings you all the way out here handsome, looking for a party? STRANGER I suppose that I am. (shrugs and laughs mirthfully) TINA stares at him briefly, surprised by his laughter TINA What's so fuï¿½ never mind. She pulls back the sides of her coat to expose her half naked body, putting one foot in front of the other and tilting her head a bit, then produces a cigarette and lighter from somewhere in the coat and lights it. TINA (CONT'D) What kinda party? KRIS Oh, just a small gathering: Myself and a close friend, maybe a new friend as well. (He slowly examines her from bottom to top) ) If a new friend presents itself. Fidgeting with the lighter in one hand, she again starts shifting her weight from side to side, turning her head to the left and right and looking as if she might run with the slightest provocation. TINA You and a close friend huh? If he is at all as good-looking as you, I find it hard to believe that he isn't married. KRIS He isn't married; he doesn't get out too much. Neither do I, I'm afraid. (chuckles again and grasps his belly as he does so, smiling beatifically) TINA You aren't married? As in shape as you are? KRIS laughs uproariously at this as the girl cringes and looks around in a panic TINA Shhh, you'll wake the neighborhood. KRIS (wiping his eyes with a finger, he lowers his laughing to a chuckle) I've eaten far too many cookies in my lifetime to be considered "in shape" Tina, and as for the missus; when the cats away and all that. TINA (snaps to attention) How did you know my name? KRIS I knew you as a child Tina, you don't remember? TINA No I don't, and don't fuck with me man, I will stab you. KRIS I wouldn't dream of making that necessary Tina, besides, you were always too good a girl for me to believe you'd do that. TINA (taking a step backwards) Alright big guy, where do you know me from. KRIS I told you Tina, I've known you since you could fit in a stocking, although I must admit, I haven't seen or heard of you since you were about ten. Now look at you, age has been kind (again looks her up and down) Very kind. TINA Look, I think you need to get out of here, this is some fucked up shit. KRIS Now, Now Tina, the language isn't quite necessary is it? You'll end up with coal in your stocking. TINA What the hell are you talking about? (looks to his nametag) "Kris?" who are you? KRIS I'm just a tired old man that needs a break from the holiday hubbub my dear, and I was hoping you'd come and chat with me awhile. TINA You don't want to chat. Look buddy, go home, sleep whatever high you're on off, and reconsider the urge to approach strangers like you know them. (Turns to leave) KRIS Hey now! Don't be like that, I mean, this is what you "Do" isn't it? TINA Don't you already know what I do, Miss Cleo? KRIS Actually no, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised to see you here. You were always such a beautiful child, but like I said, after you turned ten, I stopped seeing you around. TINA (angry now) Now that is enough! Walk away Mister, and don't come back around here. Last warning, I don't want to see you again. KRIS (seeming a bit hurt) There's no call to be that way Tina, I had just hoped that we could go back to where my friend and I are staying and catch up on how you've been doing. TINA What the hell do you want from me?! KRIS Perhaps an estimate of what an evening of your time would cost? TINA You're kidding me. KRIS I don't kid Tina, my friend and I could use a bit of company, although he has rather special needs. TINA (incredulous) I suppose your friend knows me too. KRIS (chuckling) I'm sure he does, in his own fashion. TINA Special needs? KRIS Well his antlers have to be considered, as well as Rudolph's lack of handsï¿½ TINA That was your last mistake pervert. (Stomps her foot three times in succession) KRIS (mildly shaken) What was that? TINA It's called a signal, asshole. OFFICER (0.S.) (in an authoritative tone) Freeze! Put your hands where I can see them! KRIS Wha? (he whirls quickly and is tackled by two uniformed police officers) You can't do this! Do you know who I am?! KRIS is lifted to his feet and held by one of the officers, now handcuffed and a bit out of breath from struggling. OFFICER Settle down pal, you can tell us all about it at the precinct. KRIS Robert let go of me. (weakly attempts to pull away from the Officer holding him) Steven, this will put you on the naughty list for sure. STEVEN notices Robert's confused expression and gestures to his own name tag. ROBERT smacks himself in the head and grins a bit) STEVEN Take him to the car Bob. ROBERT Yes sir. KRIS God damn it Tina you Ho. TINA What you say can and will be used against you, Freak. (faces Steven) KRIS Don't turn your back on me Ho! What are you, a Grinch!? TINA (somewhat under her breath) Iï¿½ no. (shudders a bit) KRIS (screaming from offscreen) HOOOOOO! STEVEN Full moons really bring 'em out huh? (Looks to Tina, smiling) You do good work Tina, what were you just saying? TINA Nothing.. how did he know our names? STEVEN He read our nametags Tina. (concern creeps into his voice) Are you alright? You should go home and rest. TINA (looking to where Kris had exited) I do have gifts to wrap. STEVEN Take off then Tina; you go on vacation tomorrow anyway. (reaches into his pockets and withdraws a badge and a necklace) Here you go. TINA Thank you for holding these, I'm going to go home and get some rest. STEVEN I hope you have a merry christmï¿½ oh; I'm sorry, Happy Hanukah. TINA It's alright Steve; I used to celebrate Christmas as a kid, until my family converted. STEVEN Well, Have fun Tina; I have to go catch up with Bob and nut bag. (turns and begins walking away) TINA Goodnight Bob, and thanks. I hope your Holiday goes as planned too. Sighing heavily she pockets the badge and dons the necklace, now revealed to be a Star of David. TINA (CONT'D) Full moons sure bring out the crazies. TINA shudders and walks away. The noise of a car pulling away lasts for a second or two, then all is silent.
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