Hillary’s Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss

Hillary faints after leaving 9/11 ceremony early. First wobbly, she collapses and is literally dragged unconscious into the van, actually losing a shoe. […]

In her new memoir What Happened, Hillary Clinton writes that “I was tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins.” However, while making the rounds and finding herself more unpopular among Democrats and progressives in her Blame Everyone Tour, she has decided to use the proceeds from the Clinton Foundation to redeem herself, and plans to reboot the Haitian economy. She has ordered 63 million voodoo dolls custom made for each individual Trump voter. […]

A highly disturbing new Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) report circulating in the Kremlin today says that a US federal government witness who was due to testify this coming week before a grand jury in the expanding FBI probe into Hillary Clinton and her Clinton Foundation was violently killed, along with her husband, in a massive explosion that completely obliterated her New Jersey home—and whose expected testimony centered on a notorious American-based pharmaceutical company who gave money to the Clinton Foundation in a bid to cover up their drug price gouging crimes. […]