Shark vaginas have the most pubic hair of any sea creature. Source: CNN Lampreys have developed a symbiotic relationship, and groom their hosts with pube braids. Source: NBC I'M WITH HER: Joy Behar plays follow the leader. A botched circumcision left George Soros with a ball sack for eyes. Embittered ever after, this created the greatest super villain ever known, Globalist Man. Source: CNN Scroll Down Onion News Classic: First Video Newscast September 17, 2013 A classic. The Onion News presents its debut video newscast on "The Human Cost of Mexicans." A story on Lucent Technologies' Vice-President Raymond Boyle being replaced by illegal alien Alberto Fuentes who just two years... KEEP READING Don't Hate Them, Pity Them. February 14, 2013 Behold, it’s not easy being a neo-Nazi. This German public service announcement illustrates the unseen obstacles and handicaps facing these human urinal cakes as they try to go about their daily lives. KEEP READING William Shatner sings "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" September 1, 2014 William Shatner sings "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." KEEP READING Joe the Plumber Predicted by The Onion in '93? March 24, 2013 May 29, 1993: The Onion's story about Roy the Forklift driver becoming a media darling of the conservative movement becomes, apparently, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or has talk radio dumbed us down so much what once... KEEP READING 'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General March 13, 2013 Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military. KEEP READING Bat Fight with Will Ferrell March 9, 2013 Bat fight. With a baseball bat. It's a game of honor and diplomacy.... This and a few other "Funny or Die" video gems from the inimitable Will Ferrell, including "Green Team", "Will Ferrell Answers Internet... KEEP READING An Interview with Trey, or Robert Hamburger March 29, 2013 With the release of Ghosts/Aliens, the long awaited second work from the creator of Real Ultimate Power, many fans wondered if he could do the seemingly impossible: produce an even funnier book.These fans should be... KEEP READING Select Children's Books by Madonna March 26, 2015 I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like Madonna's sham. Would you like her shitty books here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like... KEEP READING Agent Joe Mahma September 22, 2013 Joe Mahma, Impious Digest staff writer, stars in his first feature film set in 1960s Mexico. Here's a clip from "We Hope You Don't Speak Spanish." KEEP READING Coming Soon: Mike Wallace is Dead and So is 60 Minutes, So Fuck You Posers November 13, 2015 To call evil good, and good evil, that is complicity. To allow a killer to hide his weapons in your house, and then lie about what you saw, that is all complicity. Welcome to the... KEEP READING Scripts May 9, 2013 America’s Most Unwanted
Banned House Episodes
Censored Brady Bunch Episodes
Gump 2
On the Execution of Gilligan
The Inhalers KEEP READING Ignorant, Senile Bastard Decries "Hostile" Media Portrayal May 25, 2017 Warhawk, songbird and Lindsey Graham life partner John McCain declared this morning that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a Russian sympathizer and possibly a spy, citing a trusted source he obtained from gay dating app... KEEP READING Report: 70 Percent Of All Praise Sarcastic April 20, 2013 Is that compliment real or not? A new report tells you how to know the difference. KEEP READING Hillary's Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss September 22, 2017 It's coming. You know it, I know it, her garden hose knows it. KEEP READING The Literary Bucket List: Ghosts/Aliens March 20, 2013 On "Ghosts/Aliens": "THE BEST BOOK OF ALL TIME! (EVEN BETTER THAN THE BIBLE!)." So writes one soldier from Baghdad, Iraq in his customer review. Although I wouldn't go so far, it got me thinking. With... KEEP READING I Make Millions Selling Sweaters Knit From Madonna’s Pit Hair, and Other Autobiographical Sketches August 7, 2019 One day, at a local arena, I walked backstage before her headline act. It was a strange sight. There was a huge pile of hair, about seven feet high, with a bit of movement coming... KEEP READING Did Glenn Beck Rape and Kill a Young Girl in 1990? February 26, 2013 Tired of Beck’s idiotic, leading questions and wild allegations whose answer he knows full well is no, the favor was returned. This time the question was did Glen Beck rape and kill a young girl... KEEP READING Washington to Host Moderate Terrorists, Moderate Child Molesters Summit November 25, 2015 What's the difference between a rebel and a 'moderate' rebel? a rebel is what you saw in the US Civil War, an actual soldier, but a 'moderate' rebel is a terrorist that beheads Christians and Muslims... KEEP READING Yay! More Complaints. October 14, 2015 "I selected all of the above just so I could send this message, while I appreciate news outlets that try to get the truth out there, a lot of this website comes off as way... KEEP READING Cheney's Torture Fetish October 25, 2013 Bybee's memo (not to mention a few others) is damning evidence suggesting a common plan on the part of the Administration to violate the laws of war. Strikingly, such a "common plan," or conspiracy, is... KEEP READING
